On Becoming (Part 2)

Our truth, and the meaning of our lives is unfolding, being created and shaped, every day that we live.  We are not exactly the person that we were yesterday.  Everything that happens to us slightly alters our perspective and increases the wisdom that we have accumulated.  The human being is actually a human becoming.  This truth persisits even when we resist change and hang on to our beliefs, attitudes and routines with all of our might.  While life may for the most part be mundane and ordinary, there are explosive events far beyond our control.  Antoine de Saint Exupery wrote that "a single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us.  To live is to slowly be born."  We cannot stem the tide of changes in or around us.  Perhaps the secret lies in loosening our grip.

The first time that we get onto a ride at an amusement park can be pretty frightening. All we see in front of us is the unknown. We are strapped in a seat with an iron bar which locks into place. There is a surge of some kind and then it all starts. Most all of us hold on for dear life. The mixture of anticipation, fear and exhilaration are elating and exciting. Our adrenaline pumps and we feel incredibly alive. There are some riders who throw their hands up and seem to be really enjoying themselves. Next time, we vow, “I am going to try it without hanging on”.

The ride is always more fun when we let go. Our bodies move with the flow of the short trip and the experience is enhanced greatly. This is true of our lives as well. There are people who never loosen their grip. Each obstacle and turn is met with greater resistance until the hold that we have is as important as the journey itself. Little of the exhilaration and joy can be fully appreciated.

Letting go is about living life on life’s terms. This process of becoming will not cease.  The idea is to give up the fight and go with the flow. We can still make plans and have dreams but must fully understand that we are not in charge of the outcomes.  There will be a great surprise when we see who we have finally become when it is all said and done.

On Becoming

The good news of living life is that there is no absolute destination. The journey does not end with the events that we rush towards. We do not arrive at marriage, graduation, parenthood, a great job or retirement to remain there forever. Neither do we end with the death of our bodies. Everything continues to change, evolve and transform despite the desire that we have to stop and stay.

The brain that we are given has the notion that it is who we are. It is, in fact, merely an organ that is in charge of survival. The brain monitors everything that happens and orders responses based upon behaviors that have successfully gotten us through in the past. Its job is to maintain a physical and emotional balance for optimum longevity.

The earliest spiritual question that is asked by most people is “Who am I”. This great query does not beg an answer. It asks us to begin searching. Our culture counters the spiritual question with a material one. We are asked from the time that we are very young, "What do you want to do" and "What do you want to be" . Those questions have answers. They can be solved but do almost nothing to enlighten us. They set a path with a false sense of destination.

We are not a career choice with a retirement plan. Our true identity is a spirit and energy that comes from the source and returns to the source. We are eternal beings in process.  There is no real sense in looking toward an ending with answers.  The true adventure happens when we get on the ride and just let go.  Savor the experience, listen and learn.  We are all truly becoming.

Hospitality and Entertaining Angels Unawares

Hospitality is a practice and a spiritual concept. It is an underlying theme in cultures and religions. The people who are hospitable have many friends and treat everyone as if they were unique. Their extension of welcoming and openness make strangers feel like honored guests. There is a sense of humility, respect and celebration associated with them that is infectious. We not only enjoy being around them but feel valued, treasured and important in their presence.

There was a sign that hung in a little cottage that I rented in the North Carolina Mountains a couple of decades ago. It was a familiar verse from the scriptures that reads “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” It was displayed as a reminder to me that my visitors were special, and to them, that they were at home. The result was a change in the way that I not only treated, but felt about my guests. My cottage became a sort of refuge and sanctuary for some. People felt free to come. It was one of the significant and powerful times in my life. How did such a practice begin for me?

I had been a stranger to the area with no connections other than my work at a treatment center in town. I was recently divorced and sought a place to hide from my sadness and troubles. A group of the men who were coworkers gathered weekly to study Joseph Campbell, read poetry and do some drumming. They included me and I was more than happy to have the companionship despite some tentativeness about the content of their meetings. I soon began to look forward to getting together.  On one occasion we watched an interview of Joseph Campbell by Bill Moyers. Campbell discussed the fact that, in ancient India, hospitality was a form of worship and that in ancient Greece it was a custom. My revelation from this was that hospitality is more than being a good host at a party. Not that being a good host should be minimized, but there was a far deeper concept to explore. I began to search for references to the practice and found abundant information. Henri Nouwen explored it beautifully in his book “Reaching Out”. Almost everything that I read pointed to the fact that hospitality is transformative.

I began to ask people to my home. It was my intention to arrange the house as if it was anticipating company.  My table was always set as if there was a feast in waiting. A simmer pot of cinnamon sticks, cloves and nutmeg was usually on the stove. Specially selected music was playing softly in the background. The environment was inviting and welcoming. My underlying belief was, and is, that we are connected much more deeply that we can ever imagine. All of us are from the same source. Honoring the person who visits by listening, asking questions and being open to the answers are ways to acknowledge that sacredness in each other. Relationships and friendships form where they would have never taken root in other circumstances.

The result of entertaining angels unawares in the mountains of North Carolina was incredible. I was no longer a stranger in a very short time. I learned a life lesson that I continue to explore. We are not alone on this journey. We have only to extend and open ourselves to others. We are called in life to be the one who gives refuge and comfort, joy and friendship. Offering a physical, spiritual and emotional space in our lives for others is the essence of hospitality.

Forgiveness & Letting Go

Forgiveness is a part of the spiritual foundation of our lives. We become prisoners when there is an absence of it. Resentment and guilt creep into our daily rounds. Our emotional and physical health is affected. We cannot let go of the hurt and bitterness. Memory of the offense sometimes even intensifies our negative feelings. There is little room for compassion and joy until there is some kind of resolution.

It sometimes feels that it might be easier to cut a person who might have offended us out of our lives. Ending the relationship could relieve the burden of dealing with the pain. It can remove a person from our lives who makes it toxic. The problem is that without forgiveness, this measure will not really work for us. The resentment remains. We will not be free of the past and the sense that we are victims of wrongdoing until we relieve ourselves through forgiveness.

We must become ready to stop identifying ourselves with the suffering that was inflicted upon us. We are not condoning the actions of the person who caused the distress. We are giving ourselves the gift of liberation. We accept the fact of what has happened. We allow ourselves to feel and process our emotions. The baggage of resentment is removed. We are no longer sentenced to carry it. Powerlessness and anguished agonizing (my best friend calls it anguinizing) fade away. It is only then that we can begin to forgive ourselves and the mistakes that we have made become tolerable.

Forgiveness allows us to understand that suffering comes from suffering. Our compassion for those who have hurt and offended us will give us a clear new spiritual perspective.

Let It Begin With Me

Generosity is an admired character trait.  We hear about the great benefactors who give large sums of money to favorite charities and institutions and wish that we could contribute in such grand ways.  The problem is that our funds and time seem to be so short.  Times are tough and it feels like everything we do is aimed at keeping our heads above water.  Where can we find extra for others when we struggle ourselves?  We can either go out and make more or we can desire less.  Neither sounds very easy.

Difficult economic times force all of us to look more closely at our patterns of consumption. We find that the strategy of making more money and accumulating more possessions no longer works for us. We begin to control spending by becoming thrifty. This behavior will improve our situation but it also leaves us feeling somewhat empty. The fact is that nothing gets all that much better.

Controlling consumption by thrift can only work when combined with generosity. We will see incredible changes in our lives when we put aside just a little bit of time and money to help those who are struggling as much, or more, than we. The emptiness that we experience and the urge to consume will dissipate as we extend ourselves to others. The result of generous giving by many is transformative.

Former Presidents Clinton and Bush (41) have joined in an effort to bring relief to Haiti.  All we have to do to help is to Text “HAITI” to "20222" and $10 will be given to the Clinton Foundation's Haiti Relief Fund, charged to your cell phone bill. Now there is a painless way to help relieve suffering. It always begins with you and me.

Regret and Recognizing Treasure

The treasures of life are just in front of us.  We need only to look down or up instead of fixing our gaze on objects at the horizon or in the rear view mirror.  Regret comes from a failure to recognize the incredible beauty that surrounds us here and now.  Fond memory comes from savoring the moments of wonder, friends and joy that are happening when they happen.

My favorite Rumi quantrain called "The Red Shirt" grieves the passing of life appreciated too late.  It goes like this:

Has anyone seen the boy who used to come here?

Round-faced troublemaker, quick to find a joke, slow to be serious.

Red shirt,

perfect co-ordination, sly,

Srong muscles, with things always in his pocket: reed flute,

ivory pick, polished and ready for his talent.

You know that one.

Have you heard stories about him?

Pharoah and the whole Egyptian world

collapsed for such a Joseph.

I'd gladly spend years getting word of him,
even third or fourth hand.

I have been to conferences with men who weep when these passages are read.  The thought of time passing without fully taking pleasure in it is a gut wrenching experience.  We will miss plenty enough even without running so hard to some unknown future.  Our dreams and goals are attainable only if we fully attend to the present.  We have to show up today ready to participate and play.  It is the key to having a good time, happy memories and a great life!

Being Present and Bringing Light

Living our lives in the here and now requires first, and foremost, that we are fully present in the moment. This means that we are not engaged in a battle with the past nor fretting about the future. Affecting the quality of the day obliges us to show up with our personal gifts and talents. We have the opportunity to use them and share our uniqueness in everything that we do.

We are not unlike artists, chefs, craftsmen and potters in our approach to molding the day.  We come to the moment with everything that has made us who we are.  All of the happiness, sadness, trials and adventures have given us depth of character and experience.  We have wisdom to offer, stories to tell and things to create.  The flavor of the day is up to us.

This process of shaping the way that a day evolves is not about taking control and exerting authority. It is about being a contributor and a co-creator. It is about bringing light to the darkness. Being alive and present to our family, friends and associates allows relationships to grow and flourish. We allow people to know us for who we really are. We might just discover that we have more value than we ever imagined.

Epiphany

The manifestation of a new world order is celebrated at Epiphany.  It is the Twelfth Night or the Twelfth Day of Christmas.  Epiphany has been a greater and smaller holiday over the centuries.  Mardi Gras season officially starts in many places.  The message, however, is most meaningful.  The treasures that we have been seeking and waiting for are present in the very place where we are right now.  It is found by living in this moment to the fullest.  It is accompanied by the return of a sense of wonder.  How could we have missed it in the first place?

We will find the revelation by showing up.  Three Wise Men did.  Showing up means not only to be present to the day, hour and minute.  This is important enough.  It also means to bring something with us.  We are asked to show up with light, humility and with our personal gifts.  We must be willing to set aside self will in deference to the importance of the here and now.  It is time to allow healing and fellowship rather than drive and determination.  The result is a greater ability to love and an absence of intolerance.  We are no longer better or more important than others.  Beauty and appreciation find a way of flowing into our lives.  There it is.  An Epiphany.