Tenderness

Nora Gibbs Baum, a study in tenderness

Acts of tenderness are never forgotten by those who have received them. It is a virtue that comes from a deep affection extended without qualification or expectation of return. Many of us experience this quality of tenderness in greatest measure from our grandparents. Their kind words and gentle lessons make us feel loved in ways that mothers and fathers cannot. Through them we are given a great example of thoughtful affection and our lives are blessed by the wisdom of tenderness.

Why then do we find tenderness in such short supply? It seems that this quality fades in the false illusion that it somehow transmits weakness. We live in an age when strength is equated with survival. We are on guard against those who would do us harm to such a degree that any show of weakness seems to make us vulnerable to a supposed enemy. The truth is that showing affection, compassion and warmth are actually character traits that can be most effectively given by the strong. It takes passion, self control and patience to be tender and gentle. Cruelty and violence are the vanguard of the weak and ignorant.

It is mutually beneficial to begin a practice of tenderness in all of our affairs. We will begin to notice a softening of attitudes around us. Our approach will be marked by openness rather than apprehension. People will begin to take more time listening and attending to us. The lives of others will have been touched with goodness, grace and love. What better gift can we ever give and receive?

The Power of Gentleness

There is an old Celtic verse that warms my spirit. It says, “The tide recedes but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand; The sun goes down, but gentle warmth still lingers on the land; The music stops, and yet it echoes on in sweet refrains... For every gentle act that passes, something beautiful remains.” The quality of gentleness is one that has been greatly admired throughout history. It emanates from strength and humility. This is most noticeable in difficult times when someone rises above the fray to extend a thoughtful gesture of kindness.

There is a story about George Washington that demonstrates the gentle man. It is said that he was fox hunting with a group of friends. His horse jumped a wall and knocked off a stone. Washington immediately stopped, got down from the horse, and replaced the stone. One of his friends said, “You are too big a man to bother with that.” He replied gently, “No, I am just the right size.” He shows us that we can be considerate, courteous and modest while still getting the job done. Washington takes the time to be deliberate and kind. His action dispels the notion that arrogance accompanies power.

Becoming a gentler person requires thoughtfulness and practice. The rewards are great. Where anger flares up, gentleness calms down. Where anger is a bursting flame gentleness is a gentle rain. Where anger asserts itself and crushes, gentleness embraces and quiets and soothes. Our presence as a gentle person improves our ability to affect change. The thoughtfulness required makes it difficult to hurt others unintentionally. We emerge as a leader with integrity. One of the basic requirements is that we slow ourselves down. Take time. There are few things in life that actually require our urgency. Considering the impact and consequences of our actions prior to performing them will improve the outcomes every time. Be gentle. You will be remembered for that.

Acts of Kindness and The Sconestone

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, and honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around” ~ Leo Buscaglia

Much of our energy is devoted to what we can accomplish or gain in our lives. The success that we achieve in these areas, however, does not begin to measure up to the kindnesses that we do along the way. The human spirit is lifted only when we love each other, promote goodness, and act generously. Why, then, would we put such acts on the back burner?

Our inattention to that which is most important comes from a lack of focus and perspective. We are so busy with our daily grind that we lose track. It is really a matter of making the right choice. Choose to hurry on to whatever-it-is that is driving you…or choose to stop, wait and generously bestow your kindness.

A designer from Scotland has created a wonderful reminder of our mission to be kind and to do good. He fashioned the Sconestone. This small stone carving was inspired by ancient Scottish Neolithic orbs. It evolved as a symbol of wisdom and became a call to kindness. The rock group Runrig will launch the Sconestone on an international journey at it’s live concert on August 29th, 2009. The stone will pass to it’s first keeper who is entrusted with it for seven days. During that time the Keeper of the Sconestone is expected to do at least one act of kindness, encourage friends to touch it and pledge to an act of kindness and to then pass the stone on to person who will honor the purpose of the journey. They are also asked to write about the experience on the sconestone.com website. What a great idea!

Perhaps your efforts and the wave of enthusiasm for the Sconestone will remind of what is really important. Remember that it is the small things that make a difference. The ripples can change the contour of the day for everyone on the planet.