A Sense of Humor

Uncle Milty with Lucy and Ricky (Now that's funny!)



Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.  This phrase is attributed to Gilbert Keith Chesterton.  He is obviously reminding us that we adults mostly engage in a somber approach to our daily lives.  We forget to appreciate the humor and fun that accompany us.  We do battle with our work, our finances and even our recreation, friends and families.  We take inventory at the end of the day of what we have accomplished. We examine our to-do lists as if we have to prove we are worthy of breathing air. One of the paradoxes of life is that by taking ourselves lightly, we are actually better able to frame ourselves and our work more seriously.  There seems to be an effort afoot to hide this great truth.  It is not unusual to see grim faced people working at our grocery stores, banks, retail businesses and churches.  They seem to be burdened with all of the great weight of the world.  This demeanor is so prevalent that anyone who greets us with cheerfulness is almost suspect.  What is happening to our collective sense of humor?

I work in a field of dire circumstances.  The people that I serve (and who serve me) are engaged in a life and death struggle between addiction and recovery.  Yesterday, I encountered a young man who embodies good humor.  He has suffered plenty of loss due to his addictive disease yet continues to find fun in life.  Tom sat across from me in my office and began to weave fun into our conversation.  "Can my dog benefit from buprenorphine?" he asked.  I was caught off guard and stammered out some line about dogs having similar pain receptors to humans and all mammals.  This was his opportunity to spin a tale of doggie pain due to a medical condition, a veterinarian who admonished him for titrating the poor little guy too quickly off of his pain medications and finally the pet's withdrawal symptoms.  Fido was sniffing at the medicine cabinet. Would Suboxone be an appropriate measure?  I finally got it and joined in the fun.  We talked in mock seriousness about Doggie-Anon and Pet Narcotics Anonymous.  It was just great.  Tom has not only embraced his own recovery but is having a good time with it.  He is taking himself lightly.

There is certainly a time to grieve.  There is also a time to celebrate and live life fully.  We need to take notice of all the beauty and riches that surround us.  We are not called to mourn our lives away but to give thanks, receive pleasure and be good to one another.  It is time to have a good laugh.  Let's break some of our adult habits and let loose with a joke.  It will do no harm.  Let's lighten up and fly with the angels.  By the way...we are starting a chapter of NAP (Narcotics Anonymous for Pets) in Greenville, SC.  Feel free to google us and bring your dog or cat to the next meeting.  But only if they have admitted that they are powerless. SERIOUSLY.

Don't Worry, Don't Hurry & Don't Hate

Roy Jones 90th Birthday surrounded by his family

Don’t Worry! Don’t Hurry! And Don’t Hate! These words have been touchstones for me throughout my life. I heard them first when I was a little boy from the lips of my grandfather, Roy H. Jones. Grand Dad was a man of the ages. He was born in 1875 (the year before both the birth his beloved Chicago Cubs and the Battle of The Little Bighorn or Custer’s Last Stand). His lifetime spanned almost 100 years. During that time Roy saw the world transformed from one in which he worked behind a horse drawn hay wagon at age eight to one in which humans walked on the moon when he was 94. Cars, Airplanes, Indoor Plumbing, Electric lights, World Wars and most everything else happened in between. Very few things remained the same (except perhaps the lovable losers at Wrigley Field). He affected the lives of many, many people. That motto, “Don’t Worry! Don’t Hurry! And Don’t Hate!” was what he lived by. It was his guiding principle, his ideal. It helped him live his life as a farmer, a teacher, a businessman, a husband, a parent (grandparent, great grandparent, great-great grandparent), and a community leader. It saw him through the Great Depression in which he lost his fortune, the death of his mother and father, wife, two children, the death of grandchildren and the murder of a grandchild as well as countless other heart aches. It was his guide in gaining riches, influence and political authority. He passed those words along in what he said and in what he did. Most of all, Don’t Worry! Don’t Hurry! And Don’t Hate!, was the mantra of sorts that led him to his spiritual center. It was the place that he went to for perspective. He was a deeply spiritual person. Roy attended church services at the Methodist Church in Monticello, Illinois all of his life. Admittedly, Sundays sometimes found him at his office with some of “the boys” playing a friendly game of poker or gin rummy. But his spirituality went way beyond the doors of the church. He was the most positive person I have ever met. He radiated love, compassion, confidence and a good natured sense of humor. The question that I have asked myself over and over was “How the hell did he do it?” The world can be a pretty tough place with a pretty tough crowd. How do you stay centered with all of the noise and turmoil and demands of our lives?

There never seems to be enough time. I believe that this problem of time plagues us today…perhaps more than any time in history. We seem to be victims of it, really. From our waking to our falling asleep we are in a kind of battle with time. Determined to win and destined to lose. There is either not enough of it or there is too much of it. It moves too slowly or quickly. Our competitive system demands that we not only succeed at something but that we are constantly accountable. Time is the marker by which we determine how well we are doing against these provisos. Many of us live our lives filled with the exceptional stress that accompanies such an existence. We feel that we are only present and surviving. When will there be time for me and for the ones that I love? Where is the fulfillment that I desire? What is the purpose of it all?

I have the daily experience of encountering people who carry cell phones and lap tops with them wherever they go. I must confess that, at times, I have been one of them. We stand in line at the market and hear cellular beeps everywhere. They are ringing and chiming in movies, at ball games, concerts and even at church. This is a recent encounter that I had: 

A solitary person sits at a table at his favorite restaurant pecking away at the computer. Abruptly, the cell phone goes off. “Hi Tom what’s up?” (He knows who it is already of course because of the caller ID feature). “I’m working on it right now, boss.” (He has probably already put in eleven hours at the office). “I can’t get on line at this restaurant. No WIFI.” (He listens for a minute as his entrée arrives). “Sure I can adjust to that deadline. I’ll head back to the office right now and finish it off tonight.” (He asks for a Doggie Bag and leaves).

Do we really have such a desire and need for security, money or power? I hope not. We are attempting to escape in the name of survival. We do not want to feel the unpleasant feelings of fear, loneliness, sadness, shame and frustration (among others). Our excessive use of alcohol and other drugs is an indicator of this truth. We are seeking comfort and relief. The alleviation that we are pursuing is attainable. We do not have to run away from the world and the culture in which we live. On the contrary! The goal is to say YES to life with all of its pain and all of its joy. In order to do this we must participate in it fully.

The stressors and difficulties that were just mentioned as well as the ability to say YES are, in fact, spiritual issues. The good news is that you already have the spiritual answers. You can achieve emotional and spiritual peace in an insecure world. There is a way to stop competing with time. There is a way to follow your own program for living. Even in the face of war and terrorism, a volatile economy and a worsening ecology we can live in harmony and serenity, live without worry and hate. We can be happy. We can stand to be vulnerable. We can find acceptance within ourselves and with our God. The rewards are immense. Just ask Roy Jones, “Don’t Worry! Don’t Hurry! And Don’t Hate!” Life is good!

First Day of Summer

Tiger Swallowtail

The first day of summer is a triumph of light over darkness. We have the opportunity to mark the longest day of the year with celebration. Nothing that has happened or will happen that can overshadow the fact that life goes on. The seasons implore us to participate in this grand adventure. Today is a day to make memories.

You're It!!!

I remember the summer as an endless adventure.  I was never one to sleep in like most of my friends.  The first light of dawn meant freedom and unknown destinations.  The hardest part of the day was waiting for my buddies to get out of bed and join me.  Sometimes I would sit in their backyards or pace around the neighborhood planning the many possibilities that lay ahead.  There were bikes to ride, forts to build, lakes to swim, apples to steal from nearby trees, butteflys to chase and games to play.  Finally everyone would be up, done with breakfast, and off we would go.  Imagination was all that was required to conquer the Nazi's, win the Civil War or overtake wild indians.  The A&W had ice cold root beer in chilled glass mugs and The Custard Cup had fudge sundaes and green rivers.  Hard to choose.  Rainy days only interrupted the action if there was a long downpour or lightning.  There was always plenty to do inside when four kids gathered.

Danville, Ilinois old A&W

Daytime ended with the sound of parents putting their hands up to their mouths hollering our names and telling us to come in for dinner.  We ate with our families but the fun was far from over.  Night time meant playing kick-the-can or hide-and-seek in the front yards.  There were lightning bugs to trap in grass lined mason jars.  Of course we always let them go.  Well almost always anyway. Sometimes we would have sleepovers or camp in tents outside somebody's house. Great sport came from setting off firecrackers and cherry bombs or running around naked without getting caught.  Kids have a way of becoming invisible.  Bedtime usually involved falling asleep on too warm sheets scheming for the next days fun.  How could anyone be bored in the summer?

The start of summer is connected with good things. There are still lighning bugs to catch, vacations, family reunions, swimming, running through sprinklers, cold watermelon and corn on the cob. It is time to have some fun. Summer is endless and beautiful in memories only if we take time to make some.

Life Is Short

Anyone who has known me for any length of time, or who has been the recipient of my emails or blog, is well aware that I am continually trying to communicate that Life Is Good. I have it plastered on my car, have tee shirts and hats that say it and even had it chiseled on my gravestone. It is a generational message passed on from my Grandfather and Dad. Despite this, the perspective is sometimes lost even to me. Fate has a way of handing out difficult situations for all of us. They crop up and occupy enough space that the truth of life's goodness is blotted out. It happens to everyone. You can’t be on the planet for very long without receiving bad news or being overwhelmed by something or another. Perhaps there is another little phrase that should go along with Life Is Good. It is this. Life Is Short.

Nothing can buy us an extra day or an extra minute of life. And we are only here for a minute. Life Is Short. There is absolutely no hardship, misfortune or tragedy that will last forever. A friend of mine in Atlanta ten years ago told me that 'things come to pass, they don’t come to stay'. I was reminded of that today at work. It may seem that a difficulty has overtaken us and that nothing is ever going to be right again. But that is utterly untrue. Everything will change and everything will be good again. There is absolutely no chance that things will remain the same.

So the wisdom is to accept reality and celebrate the fact that we are still breathing, still standing and will make it to the other side. If we are not still standing we need to get back up and give it another try.  There will come a time for the final curtain. It would be a shame when that happens to have missed the chance to have a great time because we were busy worrying, whining and wallowing in misery. We can leave something positive with every arrival, every encounter and every departure. Or we can spread sadness, gloom and doom. One is as easy to do as the other. I opt for the positive. Life Is Good. Life Is Short. I will say it again.  "Everything is a celebration. You just have to decide whether you are going to the party or not."

Living With Passion

  Monarch Preparing for First Flight ~ Photo by Steve Magin

Life should be lived passionately. The promises of Passover and Easter are ones of opportunity and second chances. It is beginning again just when we thought it was almost over. Enthusiasm should accompany this gift without a doubt but passion is the key element of renewal. It is easy to confuse passionate living with recklessness. The two are not compatible. Lust, power, greed and irresponsibility are symptoms of selfishness. Compassion, humility, generosity and dependability are the touchstones of action which generate from a spiritual and emotional wellspring of passion. It means being true to our principles and doing the right thing. It means putting family, friends and community first. It means following our dreams and bliss rather than money and prestige.

A friend of mine was a great businessman. He spent his hours developing a large concern that served hotels and casinos in the south. His successes were obvious. They were evidenced in a very comfortable lifestyle.  There was plenty of stress and many headaches as well. His time away from work was limited.  Then came Hurricane Katrina. Everything was blown or washed away. They lost their home, their employees were devastated, and the business was practically ruined. His despair was to be expected but his response was probably not. He and his wife have dedicated their lives to a new way of appreciation. They spend quality time with each other. They no longer collect meaningless possessions. They share their bounty of love and treasure with others. A new home was eventually purchased. The business was sold. Each day is now lived to the fullest. They are among the happiest people I know.

It does not necessarily take tragedy to redefine our lives. Often, however, it is that which seems to be an ending that awakens us to a new dawn. I have been including photographs of the transition and metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a monarch butterfly for the past several weeks. The metaphor is obvious. Our defined lives are never really defined until we turn them over to a power greater than ourselves. We wake up to find that we have changed and that flight is possible when it seemed we were destined to crawl. Be passionate with the gift. Live, live, live! Life is a banquet!

Life Is Good

There is a new life that presents itself each spring. Something magnificent, marvelous, extraordinary and sensational is going to happen. Like the sometimes slow and subtle emergence of spring, however, we often have to look for the little signs. There might just be a moment or there might be an explosion of happiness but a miracle will unfold if we are only willing to bear witness. The suffering and death that is experienced in winter have given way to new life. We cannot deny this reality.

There is always something hidden that holds the promise that is stronger than any despair or suffering that we have experienced. Our being open to possibilities rather than confining ourselves to limitations is a key to finding an end to desolation. We can begin to face the reality that life is made up of seasons. There is often great courage required in going through distress and difficulties. It is, however, going through them that allows us to survive and to find new hope. We will discover that where we had least expected there is light and a green shoot or blossom. We will develop a trust that God’s love is stronger than anything that we might encounter. His loving presence can be found in the midst of jealousy, resentment, revenge hatred and even death itself. It is this trust that allows us to carry on with a spirit of optimism and appreciation.

Spring is here.  Passover and Easter are coming!  Life Is Good!

Little Things and Little Moments Are Not Little

Our lives seem to be filled with uneventful, little moments that are punctuated with occasional big times. The picture above is one of my Dad, at the grill, enjoying his life. He used to comment about someone having “a big time”. This usually involved an event such as a football tailgate, a party, a vacation or something of the kind. To him, however, it was also about making a big time. Simply cooking out in the back yard was fun and constituted a celebration. All of our little moments can be big times. We need to understand that most of them really are anyway. Whether we acknowledge them or not.

The little moments are so incredibly precious. Watching your kids eating their Cheerios in the morning. Seeing the first signs of autumn coloring the trees. Feeling the calm of night settling in on a warm summer day. Smelling the aroma of steaks on the grill. All of these little moments can slip by if we let them. They will grow in stature if we only notice them. Fully appreciating the moment at hand allows us to see the big picture in perspective. Enlarging the beauty of the here and now encourages gratefulness and cheerfulness. Even in the midst of stress, crisis or great sadness there are good things going on. Friends are lending a hand. Kindnesses are being extended. The sun continues to rise and the tides come in and go out. We can do more than endure and persevere.

We can value what we have in these little moments. We can then begin to appreciate their significance and celebrate their wonder. This is something that we can begin to practice right now. How can I have a big time today? Look around. Do you see it? Try again. Get up and walk around. Find the secret of the little moment. Now there is the beginning of a big time.

What Makes Life Good?

I was asked by Steven, my terrific step-son, to write a short piece on "what makes life good" for a class that he is taking. Some of the things that I have included are restatements of previous entries. Still...I think they are worth remembering. I love the poem that is included. It was given to me by Alice Richards, a friend of the family. Alice was one of those people who really lived life with gusto. I will never forget her.

What are the things that make life good? My grandfather, Roy Jones, was one who seems to be able to grasp this better than most. He was saying “Life Is Good” as a motto long before it became a slogan. He was able to say it with conviction in the face of great happiness and extreme tragedy in his life. He lost everything that he owned in The Great Depression and lived to see his beloved wife die. A son committed suicide and a daughter struggled and succumbed to TB. A beautiful granddaughter was murdered. Still, he maintained his optimism and love of life. Still he said “Life Is Good!” It is hard for most of us to understand this. How does one maintain such a perspective? I think that it is a matter putting first things first. What really is important? An old man up in the mountains in North Carolina once said to me that he “never saw a U-Haul behind a hearse”. That is true, isn’t it? We put so much emphasis on financial success, the accumulation of possessions, influence and prestige. These, in the long run, mean absolutely nothing. When the scorecard is finally tallied, the only thing that matters is love. Did I love…and was I loved? Were there people who delighted in me and people in whom I was delighted? Did I laugh and celebrate with my loved ones? Did I take time to slow down and appreciate the beauty of everything around me? There was a great little poem called “I’d Pick More Daisies” by Nadine Stair (when she was 85). It goes like this:

If I had my life to live over,

I'd try to make more mistakes next time.

I would relax.

I would limber up.

I would be sillier than I have on this trip.

I would be crazier. I would be less hygienic.

I would take more chances,

I would take more trips.

I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers, and watch more sunsets.

I would burn more gasoline.

I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I am one of those people who lives prophylactically and sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day.

Oh, I have had my moments

And if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them.

In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments…one after another instead of living so many years ahead each day. I have been one of those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute.

If I had to do it over again,

I would go places and do things.

I'd travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over,

I would start barefooted earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.

I would play hooky more.

I wouldn't make such good grades except by accident.

I would ride on merry-go-rounds.

I'd pick more daisies!

My Dad said that the things we take so seriously today won’t mean a thing in a hundred years. So here’s what sounds good to me. How about a nice glass of wine at sunset on the beach...sitting next to my darling wife…..joined by a couple of great friends…..watching our kids or future grandkids playing in the surf…..flying kites…..with the sounds of some old melody coming from a band in the distance…..getting up to dance a slow one together! Now that’s good. Who loves ya baby?