Rejection and Acceptance

Photo from Sussex Musical Production Company, UK of "Oliver"

There is a spiritual movement that takes place when feelings of rejection are transformed into a realization of acceptance. The journey from rejection to acceptance is one that begins with the deep understanding that you are loved. That may be difficult to remember when the sting of rejection is fresh. Your opinion might have been dismissed or discounted. You might not have been chosen to participate in an important activity. Pain blocks out the light of love and it seems that you are unwanted, different and all alone.

It is useful to take time for some perspective building in the face of rejection. One of the most powerful methods of seeing the bigger picture is to recall a time when we were accepted. I will never forget being a freshman in college. It was a difficult transition from high school for me. All of the friends and successes that had been built over my adolescence were far away. Nothing was working out the way that I had planned. I was a little fish in a big pond. The decision to pledge a fraternity seemed like a good one but Rush Week was disappointing. None of the organizations seemed all that thrilled to have me as a brother. Then a wonderful thing happened. I had found a friend at a frat house across the street from my dorm. He asked me to join him on the practice field for a couple of beers one night. I quickly agreed. We sat on the ground with a six pack of Budweiser, talked and told some stories. His big brother and a few other guys came out from the shadows of a building. They had some more beer and joined us. All of a sudden they stood up, surrounded me and, led by Jay’s big brother, began singing “Consider yourself a friend; Consider yourself one of the family.” They were singing to me. I was accepted. The memory of this makes a tear come to my eye even now. We have all been accepted and welcomed in our lives. Remember those times and the incidents of rejection lose their power.

Whatever has caused us to feel rejected has little or nothing to do with us. It’s almost always a reflection of what is happening with someone else. The actions of other people toward us come from their own feelings. We do not cause or control their feelings any more than they can control ours. We can free ourselves from some of our fear and confusion when we fully understand this. We have been chosen and we are loved. Nobody can take that from us. When we embrace this truth, we can see what seems to be rejection as an open door with our freedom on the other side.

Following The Questions

Monarch Butterfly Chrysalis ~ Photo by Steve Magin

Our times have been filled with economic difficulty, violence and deep concerns about security. The author and spiritual mentor, Henri Nouwen once said that “We are tempted to grasp rapid solutions instead of inquiring about the validity of the questions.” The desire to find immediate answers and to act with impunity is overwhelming. We want an end to discomfort and worry and we want it now. Rushing to the quick fix, however, rarely provides lasting healing. We discover that promises for a better tomorrow, which are to be delivered in short order, empty and disappointing. We are left with even more worry and insecurity.

The questions that we formulate and ask contain the most important clues to our solutions. How can I find economic safety for myself and my family? How can I be secure without sacrificing my freedom? How can I put an end to the violence in my life which results from anger? It is our mission to follow these questions with deliberate action. We live out the action daily, one day at a time, until someday we find ourselves living a life that is free from the problems that seem so persistent.

We should also understand that the desperate need for answers will seldom be found in our own construct. We come to a growing awareness that God is in charge of the outcomes. All we have to do is the next right thing. Solutions or closure will unfold somewhere in between “already” and “not yet”. We must be patient and have faith.

Self Sacrifice

          Beginning a cacoon ~ Photo by Steve Magin

There is a way to transcend human existence and become our true selves. Most every religion and spiritual discipline asks that we shift our self focused journey and begin to look outward. We are asked to overlook ourselves in deference to the needs of others.

This is not a message that is easy to hear and even more difficult to act upon. Self sacrifice requires a change in the way that we conduct all of our affairs. We are uncomfortable when confronted with any change but even more so when it requires self sacrifice.  The adjustment that we make leads us from a mode of accumulation to one of generosity. It is a modification that allows for miracles in everyday life and worth every bit of our transformation.

We can begin a discipline of self sacrifice simply by beginning each morning with the attitude that this day, and everything in it, is a gift. This will allow us to understand that there is much for which to be grateful and that there is much to give in return. Our focus will shift. The thoughts of what I need will turn to the needs of our fellows.  We will become enabled to relieve pain and suffering that we might otherwise dismiss.  This is the way of spiritual enlightenment and self actualization.

Fat Tuesday

Everything is a celebration. You just have to decide whether to go to the party or not!  I repeat my personal motto for today is the worldwide celebration known as Mardi Gras or Carnival.  People in New Orleans, Savannah, Rio De Janeiro, Salvidor and elsewhere are taking off the gloves and mixing it up in a terrific party with parades, floats, beads, costumes, food and drink.  Vancouver, the sight of the Winter Olymics, is having a double celebration this year.  It is a day for suspending diets, throwing off restrictions and letting go of unnecessary caution.  Please notice the word unnecessary.  We have the opportunity to live abundantly and with some increased flair.  Why not?  It is all in preparation for one of the most spiritual seasons of the year.  The contrast is stunning really.  We are getting ready to begin a path of self sacrifice in anticipation of Easter.  Our journey will be filled with a different kind of wonder as we make our way during the six weeks of Lent.

So, for today, let's do it!  Let's fill life with vitality and song.  There is no need to abuse ourselves.  We can celebrate without substances.  All we have to do is join in the fun.  Put on a mask.  Be silly.  Take a bunch of doughnuts to work.  Pick up a King Cake for dinner.  Wear beads.  Throw beads.  Just do something out of the ordinary and have a great time.  The words of Auntie Mame come back to me, "Live! Live! Live!  Life is a banquet and most of you suckers are starving to death!"  Make the decision.  Come to the party.

The Legacy of Love

It is Valentines Day 2010. My wife, Bonita, and I have plans to enjoy a brunch in Greenville, South Carolina at a favorite restaurant called High Cotton. Our celebrations are always warm and intimate. No fanfare for the most part. We live far from our relatives and children so it is usually just the two of us. We don’t require much (there is a bit of old fashioned Midwestern simplicity to us as we grow older). The love that we share is more than enough. It has been tested over the years, survived and flourished. There is rarely a day that goes by in which either of us takes it for granted. Love, in the final analysis is all that matters. It is all that endures. I have been blessed with one that will leave a legacy of forgiveness, patience, kindness and joy. My life will always resound with all that is my Bonita.

A woman wrote a historical piece which was published in a county history book about my grandfather’s sister, Miss Nelle Baum. Aunt Nelle was a person who lived much of her life in confinement with what must have been great physical suffering. An operation left her paralyzed in the prime of her life yet she radiated a quality of love and joy that lived long after her death in 1961 at age 75. She never married and left no great fortune behind. What she did was to endow her family, friends, caregivers and everyone she met with a feeling of specialness and unconditional love. She was dedicated to this from her days as a Sunday School superintendant at her Methodist Church in rural Illinois to her hospital bed in Danville. She inspired people to be gentle and compassionate. My Dad and I visited her almost every Sunday and she always acted as if we were the most important people in the world. There were always words about her faith in God. She was a deeply spiritual person. Even so, it amazed me when I re-read the article that this woman wrote about Aunt Nelle. She was not related to us at all. I never met her or heard of her. Yet, my great aunt left an indelible mark on her life. She wrote of her own difficulties and how this elderly invalid woman had given her strength and increased her devotion. This affirms my belief that true love endures and overcomes anything.

There is nothing that we carry away with us when we are done with this life. Our heartaches and troubles come to an end. Love is all that matters. With it anything is possible and everything is good. The legacy that it leaves is never-ending.

Tenderness

Nora Gibbs Baum, a study in tenderness

Acts of tenderness are never forgotten by those who have received them. It is a virtue that comes from a deep affection extended without qualification or expectation of return. Many of us experience this quality of tenderness in greatest measure from our grandparents. Their kind words and gentle lessons make us feel loved in ways that mothers and fathers cannot. Through them we are given a great example of thoughtful affection and our lives are blessed by the wisdom of tenderness.

Why then do we find tenderness in such short supply? It seems that this quality fades in the false illusion that it somehow transmits weakness. We live in an age when strength is equated with survival. We are on guard against those who would do us harm to such a degree that any show of weakness seems to make us vulnerable to a supposed enemy. The truth is that showing affection, compassion and warmth are actually character traits that can be most effectively given by the strong. It takes passion, self control and patience to be tender and gentle. Cruelty and violence are the vanguard of the weak and ignorant.

It is mutually beneficial to begin a practice of tenderness in all of our affairs. We will begin to notice a softening of attitudes around us. Our approach will be marked by openness rather than apprehension. People will begin to take more time listening and attending to us. The lives of others will have been touched with goodness, grace and love. What better gift can we ever give and receive?

Movement and Action

We are usually in a state of perpetual movement. Our many motions of getting up in the morning, showering, having breakfast and going about our business continue on and on throughout the day. This movement does not necessarily constitute action however.

Action is about real accomplishment. It is about doing things with a purpose and with passion. People in action make a difference. Transforming movement into action is not too difficult. It requires that we begin to view each activity as important and sacred. We can give vitality to the most simple and mundane things simply by paying attention as we do them.

The first step before entering into action is to remember who we are. We are the beloved who is created in the palm of God’s hand. We have been treasured from all of eternity and possess special gifts to share. This might be the first, last, or only time that we will be able to contribute to a situation. What can I bring to the table? How can I be more fully present? How can I add joy and compassion? We will be led into a more meaningful life.

These are the elements of action:

A ~ Acceptance. It is critical to accept that each of us is as important and blessed as the next. I am not better than or worse than anyone. The situation that presents itself has been waiting for all of eternity to unfold. Accepting these principles brings sacredness to everything.
C ~ Compassion. Act with enthusiasm but more importantly in solidarity. Understand that many people are suffering in ways that we cannot comprehend. Tread lightly and in communion with those around us.
T ~ Take Time. There is no hurry to complete an activity despite the pressure to do so. Make an extra effort to savor and appreciate the very moment that is being spent. Miracles are happening while we are unaware.
I ~ Involvement. It is important to be fully involved in what we are doing. This means that other stimuli cannot take our attention from the here and now. The things that might happen an hour from now or later in the day can steal our attention and diminish our real involvement. It is about being present.
O ~ Own Your Victories. Awareness of what we are doing allows us to celebrate and own the victories that are happening all of the time in our lives. We develop a gentleness with ourselves and others which diminishes judgment and negative perceptions.
N ~ No Negativity. A positive approach brought to any circumstance brings light and possibility. Negativity stops action and brings oppression. There is no permanent good that can come from the tyranny of negativity. We should avoid it like the plague.

We can become people of action by applying these principles. Our movements and routines will be enhanced. We will contribute beyond our perceived limitations. Our lives will be enriched.

Answers In The Snow

A single snowflake!
Photo Courtesy of SnowCrystals.com

The winter snow seems to be endless and everywhere by the first of February.  We are tired of scooping, scraping and being trapped inside.  Enough of the white stuff already!  My son, Steven, is one who never seems to be weary of it.  It's not like he is a little kid or someone who is inexperienced with all of the down sides of long winters.  He is an adult who was born and spent much of his early life in Michigan. He just delights in it.  One of his Facebook entries from last week proclaimed "Let It Snow, Let It Snow!"  The responses from friends and family were not so enthusiastic.  He reminds me that there is always something magical about snow.  It has elements of childhood, surprise and beauty that we should explore rather than shun.  Within each snowfall are thousands and thousands of unique snowflakes which serve to remind us of who we are. 

Our unique self, like a snowflake, will never be duplicated.  The evidence of this is everywhere.  Our DNA is comprised of markers that are arranged only for one person.  It never has been and never will be again.  Only you!  Even twins do not have the same DNA.  The combination of parents, grandparents and countless generations of ancestors each give us a gift of themselves in the pattern that becomes you.  It took thousands of years to come up with the design for each individual.  And here we are.  Our uniquess can be found in fingerprints.  Each time we touch something we leave a stamp of our existence behind.  We are here and we are one of a kind.  The mold has been broken.

We have an individual and divine purpose in our uniqueness. The odds of your random creation are so small that it is incomprehensible.  Wayne Dyer talks about the fact that a great wind sweeping through a garbage dump, gathering up all of the pieces and setting them down as a fully assembled Boeing 747 is more likely than the exclusive collection of cells and tissue that is you.  We matter simply because of this.  Our importance cannot be understated.  Some incredible love story of our creator has to be at work here.  Such a miracle as you can have no other explanation.

The answer to the questions 'Who Am I?' and "Where Am I going?' is this.  You are the beloved.  God's favor rests upon you.  You are on a one of a kind adventure that will never be duplicated.  Make the most of every bit of it.  Look at the snow.  Then all you have to do is remember.