Examining Self

Monarch Free of His Chrysalis ~ Photo by Steve Magin

The season before Easter for Christians is intended to be one of self examination. Lives are transformed when people enter in to deep and sustained spiritual personal reflection. I am reminded of a man named John O'Donohue. He was a catholic priest from County Clare, Ireland. His poetry, prose and spirituality transcended the boundaries of his priesthood and he abandoned his vocation. This did not mean that the depth of his journey was diminished. On the contrary, it broadened. The painful self examination that led him to make this decision allowed him to contribute even more writings and books that continue to inspire after his death. The books Anam Cara, (Gaelic for "Soul Friend"; 1997) and Eternal Echoes (1998) are treasures that should be part of the library of any who search for meaning. I remember that he once said "If you attend to your self and seek to come into your own presence, you will find exactly the right rhythm for your own life." We are asked to enter in to this sometimes painful process that John experienced in order to live more fully.

I found myself in treatment for alcohol dependence back in 2000. The struggle with drinking had taken a great toll on my life. Despite the fact that I had long worked in the field of addiction and adolescent services, the facts of my own compulsion escaped me. I could help others with their problems but could not grasp my own. One of the counselors at Talbott Recovery Campus insisted that my primary responsibility was to take care of myself. I was to put everything else behind this directive including my children, wife, job and friends. I recoiled at the very suggestion. It seemed not only selfish but narcissistic. The truth became clear, however, that in order to live in service to others I would have to work on myself first. I would also have to continue to attend to me if I was to be useful in the future. There is no way to be effective externally if there is only a limited journey inward. I am not always happy with my findings. There is more on which to work.  There is more to explore. The fruit of this kind of search is the discovery of our true identity. We are all an integral part of the whole. We are all kin. We are the beloved. This information is all that we need to sustain ourselves for whatever life offers.