Our Best Resolution

A brand new year is coming! Many of us will celebrate with old traditions, friends and loved ones. Some of us will spend a quiet evening at home. Some of us will be alone. No matter how we mark the end of one year and greet the new one, it is customary to list the changes that we hope to make in the coming year. A New Year blessing that I heard once goes like this, “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.”

It is true that we usually fall back into the same old habits not long after January 1st but our intentions are good. I think that some of the desire to do better and to be better comes from the selfless behavior that is generated during Christmas. We wish that we could continue to appreciate each other and extend ourselves as we have done for the weeks prior to the end of the year. There is a beautiful work of art shown above by the French baroque artist, Simon Vouet created in the seventeenth century. It depicts Love, Hope and Beauty overcoming Father Time. This is the victory that we long for as we make our resolutions. However, the seemingly relentless march of time catches us up with all of the duties and doings that occupy our every waking moment. Promises to change give way to busy schedules.

There is a story that I often tell which relates to this subject.  It goes like this:

The Devil has become concerned that there are not enough souls entering into his domain based upon calculations of population increase on Earth. He calls his three minions together and casts blame upon them for declining intake census. They are directed, one at a time, to go up to the land of the living and conduct some research that will turn the tide of souls in Hells favor. There is also a warning that accompanies The Devil’s command, “If your idea does not please me,” says Satan, “You will be reduced into eternal cinders by the power of my rod!” The first minion departs and returns shortly. He is asked for his findings and reports that “All we must do is spread the word that there is no God.” Lucifer becomes enraged. “No God! You fool! If there is no God there is no Me!” He points his dreaded staff at the minion and reduces him to ash. The second minion departs and spends quite a bit more time on Earth wandering about in fear of the consequences. He finally returns and has a slight air of confidence. He tells Satan, “All we must do is tell the people that the holy scriptures of all religions are lies and must be destroyed!” The Devil becomes even more infuriated. He screams, “You idiot! Destroy the scriptures? Have you not heard that the rocks and stones themselves will testify in the absence of The Word?” The quaking minion meets the same fate as his fellow. Satan turns to the third of his subordinates. He said “You better make this good!” The third minion spent a long time in his research on Earth. When he finally returned The Devil was waiting with his staff already prepared for destruction. The little minion raised his hand and, with a slight smile, told Satan this, “I have the answer my Lord. All we have to do is tell the people that they have PLENTY OF TIME.” Satin smiled, knowing that the problem had been solved.

We have this moment, here and now. It is our opportunity to not only make a resolution that will be meaningful, but one that will truly overcome Father Time. It is summed up in the wisdom and teachings of the ages. We should not discount it for what seems to be simplicity. For it is far from simple. The ultimate resolution is this. Love one another. After all is said and done; only love endures.

Wonderful Heroes



Heroes are not really in such short supply even though they are sometimes difficult to identify. We can find them right alongside the angels in our lives. There is no need for costumes and capes or super powers to rescue us. They save the day in small and sometimes large ways...just because it is the right thing to do. One of the great representations of this kind of hero can be seen over and over again during the Christmas season in the characterization of George Bailey in “It’s A Wonderful Life” by Frank Capra. As a boy, the selfless George Bailey saves his little brother’s life on an icy pond and later stops his boss, Mr. Gower, from accidentally poisoning a customer. He grows up and sacrifices his own plans and dreams to rescue his home town from the greedy clutches of Mr. Potter (who is as despicable as George is virtuous).

George Bailey is memorable for his good deeds but is unforgettable because he is so human and so accessible. George is as fragile and flawed as any of us. His brokenness makes him real and allows us to recognize heroism even in our own character. In the story, His Uncle Billy misplaces an $8,000 deposit by putting it right in the hands of Mr. Potter. Potter issues a warrant for George Bailey’s arrest in a show of power and need for revenge.

The seemingly unalterable approach of destructive consequences or outcomes in our lives causes feelings of fear to intensify beyond toleration. We sense everything as so far out of control that we can do nothing to stem their tide. George Bailey was in just such a predicament. His pending arrest and the subsequent scandal would not only confirm his secret negative self concept but would also ruin his wife, children and family. He tried to deal with the situation head-on but failed to get a solution. George believed that there was no way out. His feelings became more and more exaggerated. Hopelessness, shame, worthlessness and panic can cause people to do things that would otherwise be unthinkable. George Bailey decided to kill himself. The world would be better off had he never been born.

We all know what happened to George Bailey. His eccentric and somewhat simple little guardian angel shows up to stop the tragic plan. Ultimately George is given the opportunity to see just what the world would have looked like if he had not existed. His witness of the real impact of his good deeds and heroism provide a perspective of what is really important. He experiences an inner transformation that dispels self doubt, self loathing and inadequacy. The love, appreciation and warm regard for George Bailey by family and community are ignited in an effort to resolve the impending doom of his crisis. The outpouring of affection, prayer and divine intervention work of course. Everyone is changed including Clarence the angel who gets his wings.

We experience one of the profound lessons of “It’s A Wonderful Life” in a variety of ways (especially at Christmastime). Something incredible happens when we give deeply of ourselves without regard for personal comfort. Nothing will ever be the same. Our efforts to provide help to the helpless and hope to the hopeless will shine a light in the darkness that cannot be extinguished. Both hero and victim benefit equally. We are not given any information that would lead us to think that Mr. Potter is somehow transformed but I believe that he was. The ripple effects of goodness can create a tidal wave that will rock the world even of those who seem to have the most hardened of hearts.  Another important lesson of "It's A Wonderful Life" is the celebration of the selfless everyday-hero.  We are reminded that not only do we need heroes...and there are times when heroes need us...but also that each and every one of us is, in fact, a great hero.

Redemption and Recovery

Ebenezer Scrooge

“Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail…This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story.” ~ Charles Dickens

The classic Christmas Story is “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. It has been told over and over, filmed, cartooned and lampooned. Most people know it well. There is a special message for living life in this tale of death. The opening lines, captured above, set the stage for Ebenezer Scrooge’s redemption based upon his friend’s miserly demise. He is visited by this most important ghost forthwith. Jacob Marley wants for Scrooge to avoid the heavy chains that he has been doomed to carry. He warns, “I girded them on of my own free will and of my own free will I wore them.”

It takes a lot for Ebenezer Scrooge to change his life. He is an unwilling subject and comfortable in his misery. How many of us can admit the same sad condition? We seem to make the frequent choice to just keep doing what we have always done. Sure we have regrets. But it is too late to change now. Is it really? I think not. My own personal transformation from alcoholic to recovery is a testimony to this. In addition, I am surrounded by dozens and dozens of people who are making those hard changes every day. It is inspirational. Lives are not only saved but redeemed in ways that are almost unbelievable.

Redemption is a process. The 12 Steps that were discovered by Bill Wilson, Dr. Bob Smith and Alcoholics Anonymous are a means for achieving such deliverance. They closely match the journey of Ebenezer Scrooge. On the morning of his awakening, Scrooge finds that he has another chance at life. The Albert Finney musical version of “A Christmas Carol” delivers these lyrics in the song “Begin Again”: Scrooge says, “I’m alive! I’m alive! I’ve got a chance to change and I will not be the man I was.” Then the song starts:

I’ll begin again, I will build my life,
I will live to know that I’ve fulfilled my life.
I’ll begin today, throw away the past,
and the future I build will be something that will last.
I will take the time I have left to live,
and I’ll give it all that I have left to give.
I will live my days for my fellow men,
and I’ll live in praise of that moment when
I was able to begin again.
I will start a-new, I will make amends,
and I’ll make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope, on a strong amen,
and I’ll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again.

He then sets out to do the work of repairing his wrongdoing and carelessness. He sends a Christmas turkey to his clerk and his poor family for a feast. Then he dresses and goes out into the town heading for church. Scrooge finds one of the gentlemen that he has berated in his shop the day before. The man had been taking up a collection for the poor and only received a lecture on the folly of his endeavors. Scrooge approaches him, asks forgiveness and makes such a generous contribution that the man is overwhelmed. He tells the man “A great many back-payments are included in it, I assure you.” Afterwards he goes to church and wanders about the streets patting children on the head, assisting beggars and enjoying every sight and sound of the day. The Alistair Sim version of the story has him approach his nephew’s house. He encounters his nephew’s wife saying, “Can you forgive a pig-headed old fool with no eyes to see with and no ears to hear with all these years?” Scrooge makes direct amends. He then goes about the business of living life differently. Dickens puts it well in the closing of the story:

Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him.

He had no further intercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the Total Abstinence Principle, ever afterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!

This Total Abstinence Principle was not a way of life that Dickens endorsed. But he was well aware that it was necessary for those who have the mission of redemption in heart and mind. It is necessary for us because we have so much to do. We are beginning again.

New beginnings are not just about avoiding negativity and wasting time. They are about the death of our old selves. They involve identification with the highest part of us. We are called to live out an expression of goodwill, joy, compassion, generosity, forgiveness, wisdom and peace. When we make this kind of change we will have discovered the touchstone of our souls. We will be able to understand and celebrate with Scrooge as he says, “I am a light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a schoolboy. I am as giddy as a drunken man.”

Merry Christmas!

A High Tech Christmas

1963 marked more than a subtle shift in my attitude and desires surrounding Christmas. I was a teenager FINALLY. It had been a tumultuous year for everyone. The President of The United States had been assassinated and an entire nation had watched it unfold before their eyes on television. We were unaware, for the most part, that there had been an end of innocence as well. This would unfold over the next several years. My personal innocence was pretty well over too. Puberty and sexual curiosity were blooming. Certainly Santa Claus was in my rear view mirror. No more wish lists of toys. I had formally announced that I was no longer to be called Bobby. My grandparents were spared from calling me Bob out of deference to their affection and age but everyone else was put on notice. Everything was going to be different.

There was no vacuum created just because toys were “out”. I sure was not willing to settle for socks, underwear and sweaters for presents. No sir. The world of high technology had provided a whole new focus for this teenager. I desperately wanted a set of walkie-talkies…and not the Buck Rogers kid toy that had been around for years either. My heart was set on two channel, citizen band, high powered two way radios that would allow me to have field communications with my pals no matter where our adventures might lead us. Just the thought of having it made me feel like Dick Tracy. Closest thing to a 2-Way Wrist Radio that a kid could ever have! Just think of the juvenile delinquents that we could avoid and crimes that we could expose with walkie-talkies! My list of Christmas bounty also included a portable tape recorder. No would-be secret agent could be without a Craig Miniature Tape Recorder. Covert recording of adults would reveal the answers to the many secrets hidden from the younger generation. We could make records of our thoughts and inspirations. The possibilities were limitless. I also wanted Beatle music. The first album, Meet The Beatles, had not made it to the markets and devout fans would have to wait until January. There were still those single 45’s on my list though. Who could live without “I Want To Hold Your Hand”, “She Loves You”, or “From Me To You”? I ask you. Really! So there it was, a Christmas without little kid junk…strictly teenaged material on request.

Christmas Eve was no longer celebrated at my grandparent’s home on Swisher Avenue in Danville. They spent longer winters in Florida now. Mom and Dad drove Daddy Baum’s Chrysler Imperial down to Hillsboro Beach while my grandparents flew. They were actually there when President Kennedy was killed. I had been staying with my friend, Scott Golden and just across the ravine from my great pal Mark Faulkner. Anyway, they were back on November 24 and a month later we would spend our first Christmas Eve without my dear grandparents. All of the presents were under our own stylish (and controversial) aluminum tree. It was a pretty nice display of gifts. Nothing like the mounds that existed with the larger extended family in previous years…but not bad! We had a nice dinner and went into the Sun Room like three grown up people might to begin unwrapping the year’s bounty.

Sure enough, my dreams had been fulfilled! Dad was the owner of a John Deere dealership and had obtained two extremely powerful Motorola CB, two channel, walkie-talkies that were strong enough for farmers to communicate with each other and families while at work. Wow! There was also the portable tape recorder and Beatle records along with some model cars to put together, the game Risk and, of course, clothes, underwear and socks (Geez). It was hard not to act as excited as a little kid but I was a teenager now. I expressed my sincere thanks as Bob Jones and excused myself to go call my buddy Steve Magin to make the big announcement. We had a tradition of calling each other on Christmas Eve. The phone rang and Steve answered. He asked the annual question, “What’d ya get?” I told him that he wouldn’t believe it. I got the walkie-talkies and the tape recorder. We were going to be in business. His excitement matched mine. REALLY hard not to burst with joy and anticipation.

I took the walkie-talkies to our Jones family Christmas gathering the next day in DeLand at Bondurant Place to share with my cousins. We sure had a lot of fun talking from the basement to the upstairs bedrooms and all around the farm outside. The rest of the holiday was spent exploring the world of two way private communication with Steve Magin and Gary Cox. Steve would take one of the units back to his house and we could talk under the sheets and blankets from way down the street after lights-out without our parents ever knowing what we were cooking up. Little did we know that our conversations were now privy to the ears of a ham radio operator on Commercial Street…on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN. It wasn’t until a few days later that we heard the guy actually talking on his big time radio to someone in China or somewhere. Steve and I were talking to each other about important stuff when all of a sudden the guy said, “Hold on a minute. I can’t hear you. Those damn kids are interfering with the transmission.” DAMN KIDS? We were damn kids were we? Well he had been snooping where he shouldn’t have been snooping. We had just as much right on the airwaves as he did. A minor radio war ensued from that point forward. The guy on Commercial Street became another of those adult public enemies along with Steve-the-grouch and Tars Janitars, among others, who had a mission of making our lives difficult. No matter. We would overcome. Endless hours of entertainment would only be enhanced by this person.

Life had changed. The Beatles blared from my Dad’s stereo system and conversations began to focus on the mystery of girls. High tech had taken over. We used the portable tape recorder to secretly record my parent’s cocktail parties, baited conversations with unknowing friends and made a historic taped session of a day in Duckville. Sorry, no explanation for readers there. Some things just can’t be made public. There are still too many adults listening in.

Christmas Beginnings

From "The Shop Around The Corner" (1940)



There is a great Christmas present to be found in the movie "The Shop Around The Corner" (1940) starring Jimmy Stewart, Margaret Sullivan and Frank Morgan (the wonderful Wizard of Oz) among others.  It tells the story of budding, albeIt confused, love and friendship.  Everything points to a Christmas revelation and does not disappoint. Other movies such as "You've Got Mail" were inspired by the light spirit and good humor of this classic.  The movie is also gives us reason to look more closely at what life is really offering.

We are usually in a hurry or at least transfixed by our daily duties and obligations. There is a whir of activity that sometimes clouds our view and obscures the fact that the most magnificent things are going on right in front of us. The commotion and noise muffle the sweet sound of friendship and even deeper possibilities of relationships. Then comes the Christmas season in which the lights, decorations, generosity of strangers and anticipation of something wonderful surround us and give us pause. Suddenly, we become aware of some of the miracles that have been there all along.

Lonely hearts and missed opportunities can all find healing at Christmas. There is a conspiracy of beginnings that signifies the very message of the season. The world is created anew in the birth of a savior. Kings and shepherds gather together as comrades. The impossible becomes possible. There is no doubt about it. What a great opportunity to look more deeply, listen more closely, and open the gifts in front of us. It must be that the wonderful is coming.

Schemes and Gifts

There is a wonderful story told in a movie called “The Cheaters” in 1945. A wealthy family is having financial difficulty and hatches a plan to gain an inheritance for themselves by hoodwinking a long lost cousin who was the actual recipient. They also scheme to improve their reputation in the community by adopting a “lost man” and bring him to their house for the holidays. They find a news story of a washed-up actor who has attempted to commit suicide and bring him to their home. The actor proves far more than they bargained for and shows them some real truths about giving and living. He discovers the family inheritance plot and reveals the truth through an amazing recital of "A Christmas Carol". The story’s gift is received by the family and everyone is redeemed.

We go to great lengths to make things happen the way that we want. This is not about making simple plans.  It is the process of taking complete control and trying to force an outcome. People manipulate, maneuver and coerce one another in order to achieve their sometimes selfish desires. The result is almost never what was really wanted. Those who have been forced into doing things that they don’t want to do are never very happy participants. Everyone ends up disappointed.

How do we abstain from plotting, scheming and controlling?  The answer is to let go of the notion of outcomes all together.  Examine the motivation behind your wishes and desires, get honest about what you need, know that you are loved and release people from your grips.  There are gifts that will flow to us when we let go and let God.  It is a transforming experience.

Splendid Transformations

From "We're No Angels" (1955)

One of my favorite Christmas movies was out of circulation, or difficult to find, for quite a while.  It was remade in 1989 but failed to inspire or amuse in the way of the 1955 version with Humphrey Bogart.  A favorite line from that 1955 classic is "We'll cut their throats for a Christmas present", Bogie, a convicted forger, remarks laconically. "That might spoil one's belief in Santa Claus." He and his pals, Peter Ustinov and Aldo Ray do no such thing of course.  They soften and somehow are transformed into human angels who save the day for the family that they were going to scam.  This theme of transformation is universally appreciated.

Stories, books and movies about transformation are a hallmark of the holiday season. We are fascinated by the incorrigible criminal who has his heart slowly softened by the people and events that surround him. It is captivating to watch the miserly old recluse become generous and loving. There is nothing funnier or more endearing than the fish-out-of-water finding a place to call home in an environment that had been hostile and unwelcoming. We just love to witness these kinds of changes. They lift us up and give us hope. Perhaps there is something even more compelling.

Rosabeth Moss Kant once said, "A vision is not just a picture of what could be; it is an appeal to our better selves, a call to become something more." It is at the heart of our own journey in life that we would become the ideal person of our dreams. We would love to have a magic wand waved so that our character defects would become opportunities for improvement and then to overcome them in a grand transformation. There might not be a magic wand but there is an illumination to guide us. The love, generosity, kindness and compassion that emerge at Christmas have the power to change us. All we must do is to become willing.

Bringing Glad Tidings

Bob Crachit's Raise from "A Christmas Carol" (1951)

According to the writer of St. Luke's gospel, an angel appears to shepherds at night and said “Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all the people.”  It is difficult to imagine the awe and happiness that they must have experienced.  I watch the 1951 Alastair Sim version of Scrooge, A Christmas Carol every year without fail.  I imagine that the shepherds must have had the same dumbfounded expression on their faces that Bob Crachit had when his boss, Scrooge the miser, gave him a raise and told him that life was going to be different from that day forward.  What an incredible privilege it is to bring good tidings, to speak well and to carry a message of joy! The changes that such communication brings to the lives of those who receive it are instant and have a lasting impact. And almost everyone will receive it. Most of us are hungry for good tidings and good news. When we hear it our spirits are lifted, we rise from the funk and the day takes on a glow of possibilities. It is hard to be dragged down after heeding a message of joy.  The great change is evidenced in the words of Charles Dickens in the closing of A Christmas Carol when he states "He (Scrooge) became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world."

We all have the opportunity to bring good tidings and spread them wherever we go to whomever we meet. It is just as easy as carrying a downcast, forlorn, morose and melancholy demeanor. We can surprise and delight people with a different message.  We can make the astonishing offer of Scrooge when he says, "I'll raise your salary, and endeavour to assist your struggling family, and we will discuss your affairs this very afternoon, over a Christmas bowl of smoking bishop, Bob."  Now is the time to make the change. What is your good word? What do you have to add to the positive flow of life? What personal benediction do you have for your fellow human beings? Find the answer and carry the message! It is Christmas time. Life is good. By the way, it is always good...and always has been!

Pearl Harbor ~ 70 Years Past

USS Arizona Memorial ~ Pearl Harbor

The 70th anniversary of the Pearl Harbor attack which brought the U.S. into World War Two will take place today - at the exact moment the bombing began.  70 years is a long time.  For those of us who are from the Boom Generation the day defined our childhood.  For our parents generation the day redefind the world as they knew it.  My Dad was listening to The Chicago Bears and Chicago Cardinals play in an NFL season ender that had great implications.  The date that would "live in infamy" was announced and had more significance on the lives of players and listeners than anyone could have imagined.  Dad signed up and served as a Naval Officer in the Marshall Islands at Kwajelin.

1941 Chicago Bears (Most of the team served in WWII after Pearl Harbor)

 
A large ceremony to remember the Americans killed in the devastating attack by Japan will take place at 8am Hawaii time (an hour after this post is being written).  70 years ago Pearl Harbor was hit by hundreds of Japanese fighters, bombers and torpedo planes launched in two waves from aircraft carriers. Four of the eight U.S. Navy battleships at the base were sunk in the surprise assault, as well as several cruisers, destroyers and anti-aircraft ships. The attack was intended as a preventive action in order to keep the U.S. Pacific Fleet from interfering with military actions the Empire of Japan was planning in Southeast Asia against overseas territories of the United Kingdom, the Netherlands, and the United States.

The base was attacked by 353 Japanese fighters, bombers and torpedo planes in two waves, launched from six aircraft carriers. All eight U.S. Navy battleships were damaged, with four being sunk. All but two of the eight were raised, repaired and returned to service later in the war. The Japanese also sank or damaged three cruisers, three destroyers, an anti-aircraft training ship, and one minelayer. One hundred eighty-eight U.S. aircraft were destroyed; 2,402 Americans were killed and 1,282 wounded. The power station, shipyard, maintenance, and fuel and torpedo storage facilities, as well as the submarine piers and headquarters building (also home of the intelligence section) were not attacked. Japanese losses were light: 29 aircraft and five midget submarines lost, and 65 servicemen killed or wounded. One Japanese sailor was captured. 

Few of the people who served at Pearl Harbor are alive today.  The Greatest Generation is almost gone and the survivor group that has gathered each year is disbanding after today.  This day has been called Rememberance Day.  Just as an aside...my Dad left the Navy for home on December 7, 1945.  Let us never forget the heroes of Pearl Harbor and World War II.  Thanks for your sacrifice.

Memorial Day

Baum Family Plot, Woodlawn Cemetery, Indianola, Illinois

Memorial Day has always been a day of remembering for me.  My family prepared for the day by decorating the final resting places of loved ones.  Mother and Aunt Helen would split the cost and energy of buying and planting flowers in Indianola, Illinois.  Mom had the sad job of filling the urns and trimming the plot in Spring Hill Cemetery in Danville that had room for many but held only the remains of my sister who died of cancer at age 5.  We visited graves and I heard stories about great grandparents and other relatives that had played important roles in my parent's lives.  Dad might talk some about World War II, but never with many details.  The discussion was mostly about the end of the war, not the horrors of battle. There is a video that is terrific taken of VJ Day, when the Japanese surrendered to Allied Forces in WWII.  It is well worth the watch (be sure to turn up the sound...the link is below the picture)

  VJ Day in Hawaii

The rest of Memorial Day was all about celebration.  School was over.  The swimming pool was open.  There were parades and pony rides for little kids.  The air of every neighborhood smelled of charcoal, hamburgers and hot dogs.  Summer had started.

I think that the whole idea of Memorial Day is about remembering and telling stories.  We will forget about the great lives and sacrifices made if this process is not honored.  Each generation loses something of the one that went before.  That is the way of things.  More is lost, however, if we fail to pass on personal memories of family, friends and life that "used-to-be".  It is a way to connect with our roots and a reminder of who we are.  Moreover, this is an opportunity for coming home.  Our long journey from place to place, person to person and experience to experience, can be tiring and overwhelming.  Memorial Day gives us the chance to return to the familiar.  There might not be a way to physically return to the places that we called home.  We might not be able to visit or decorate the resting place of our ancestors.  But, what a great time to pull out old family photo albums and tell the children and grandchildren about our loved ones who are gone.  Let's spend some good time together by remembering this Memorial Day.

Easter Sunday

There is a most profound question that is raised on Easter Morning.  It is posed by two men in dazzling garments who appear in a tomb, a burial chamber, to people who have come to verify the presence of a corpse.  The shock must have been incredible and the question more than compelling.  They asked, "Why do you seek the living one among the dead?"  This remains as intriguing now as it was two thousand years ago.  There is an empty tomb where we expected an abomination.  There are angels when we anticipated the horrific.  There is new life where we foresaw death.

We are called out of bondage on Easter.  We are called out of our narrow thinking and limited perspective into a new dimension of understanding.  It transcends the boundaries of religion, government and ideas about ourselves.  We are called to a new life without the comfort of "black and white" even to the extent that death is no longer death.  Earthbound eyes can no longer be fully trusted.  The spiritual experience is no longer separate or something that happens outside of us.  We don't have to wait for an apocalypse to find salvation.  The salvation has already been given freely to one and to all.  The kingdom and Easter are within each of us right here...right now.

The Easter Vigil

There comes a time when someone dies who we love dearly.  It is devastating.  Family and friends surround us, bring food and support that is at least vaguely comforting.  The funeral and burial happen in a matter of such a short time.  Then we are left alone.  There are promises, some of them kept, of staying in touch.  But within a few days we are on our own.  People go about the business of living and so must we.  The silence and emptiness is unbelievable.  It is a time of being between two worlds.  Nothing seems real anymore and we reside in a state of unknowing.  Our relationship with life is being redefined.  This experience is played out in The Great Easter Vigil.

Only a part of Christianity observes The Easter Vigil.  I'm not sure why it isn't more universal because the ritual is quite powerful.  The church is stripped of all vestments and ornamentation on Thursday night and remains barren through Good Friday and all day Saturday.  The water is drained from the fonts.  Lights are extinguished.  It is dark, silent and empty.  This is that period of in-between that we suffer after the funeral when family and friends depart.  Visiting the church during this time prior to the Easter Vigil is somehow comforting.  It gives us a sense of the universal experience of grief.  Then the most wonderful thing happens at dusk.  People gather outside of the church where a fire is started.  The priest lights the Easter candle from the fire and then everyone lights their own candle from it.  The light is returned to the inside of the church.  It is the victory of light over the darkness, good over evil, love over hatred and joy over sorrow.  This is the promise of new beginnings.

Woundedness

There is no possible way to avoid the bruises and wounds that are received in life.  They begin at our very birth and continue until death.  Bruises and scrapes certainly hurt and are troublesome but we move on despite them.  Wounds, however, are another matter and demand attention. Sometimes a wound feels so dark, deep and ponderous that it becomes a black hole from which nothing can escape.  It is unbearable.  No light can escape from the prison of injury.  Our entire lives seem to be sucked in and defined by the wound.  Any joy or happiness that came before seem distant and remote, almost as if they never happened at all.  We have been stripped of our defenses exposing our vulnerability and mortality.  The trauma has overcome us.

I am reminded of a version of The Fisher King when I think of woundedness.  This tale is of Arthur who receives what would have been a mortal wound at the hand of The Black Knight.  He is carried to an inner chamber where it is expected that he would die.  The magical relationship that Arthur has with Merlin, however, makes death impossible.  He lingers on and on as the wound drains and festers in horrible fashion.  Merlin appears and informs Arthur that he can only be healed by water being poured from the Holy Grail (the cup that Jesus used at The Last Supper) over the affected area,  Arthur sends his knights to the four corners of the world in search of the Grail.  Each returns empty handed despite the most fervent efforts.  One day the king's cook is preparing dinner for Arthur and decides that he just cannot bear to carry the meal to him.  He is sickened by the grotesque, odorous wound.  He snatches a young boy who he has taken in as an apprentice and sends him with the meal to Arthur.  The boy approaches the king, unsure that he has found the right person at all.  Arthur groans, "What is your business here boy?" to which he replies, "I have come to bring food to the king.  Do you know where I might find him?"  "I am your king" says Arthur.  The boy looks doubtfully stating that he doesn't look much like a king.  Arthur goes on to tell him about the battle, the wound, the magic and the Grail.  The boy asks how one might even recognize such a cup and the king describes it as an ancient, simple wooden vessel made by a carpenter.  Perhaps it was rather rough-hewn but beautiful to behold.  None of his knights could find it and Arthur was ready to give up hope.  The boy summoned all of his courage and with wide eyes said, "I have seen such a cup!"  The king responds in disbelief asking where it might be.  The boy tells him that it is just behind the curtain a few feet from the place where Arthur lay.  He confesses that he sometimes hid behind the curtain and peeked at the curious patient with the horrible gash not knowing he was the king.  Arthur orders him to retrieve it.  The boy fills it with water which is poured over the wound.  The miraculous healing is instantaneous.  The king is saved, he adopts the boy, and...well you know.

It is difficult to understand that the wounds we receive throughout our lives are the very source of our strength, character and identity.  This is the lesson of Good Friday.  The healing that happens as we endure and overcome them makes us aware of the part of ourselves that is invulnerable to being wounded.  We transcend the wounding and our wholeness becomes realized.  Like Arthur we are led to the realization that the healing power was always within our grasp.  It cannot be obtained through will or force but only through childlike trust.  Then when we ask for help it is given.  Like Jesus, and with Jesus, we will transcend it all.

Betrayal

We certainly don’t like to talk or even to think about betrayal.  The concept is disturbing and the act seemingly unforgiveable.  Playwright Steven Dietz said: “One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.” Yet, we have all been recipient of it.  In fact, we have all committed at least small betrayals even to those that we love the most.  How victimized we feel when betrayed.  How diligently we try to hide our betrayals.  There is anger and sadness on one side, shame and guilt on the other.  No other action draws such deep emotions.  We ask the pitiable question: “Why would they do this to me?”  And there is no answer to follow.  The one who betrays slinks into the night.

The greater the trust that one puts in another person, the greater the impact the betrayal has. The impact is always enormous. We feel as if we will never be able to trust anyone again.  How can we ever allow ourselves to become vulnerable in the future?  There comes an utter sense of helplessness.  Then the pain and passive sense of loss turns active. The presence of retaliation looms heavy.  This scene plays out as we mark Holy Thursday.  Jesus is betrayed by a kiss from his dear friend.  Confusion turns into violence as Peter draws his sword and cuts off the ear of a soldier.  But Jesus’ response is stunning.  He stops Peter and restores the soldier’s ear with his healing hand.  His action forgives his betrayers.

If it is true that we are both betrayed and betrayer, we must search for the common humanity that exists in both.  The confidences that have been compromised, the love that has been scorned and the trust that has been stolen beg for only one remedy.  That single antidote for the poison of betrayal is forgiveness.  Separation, isolation, resentment, woundedness, and rage can only destroy both victim and perpetrator.  Neither can continue to exist with any measure of real hope without forgiveness.  It may seem a bitter pill in many ways, but forgiveness is the vital medicine for healing betrayal.

I will begin to forgive those who have betrayed me and pray for forgiveness from those who I have betrayed.

New Beginnings

Easter and Passover remind us that we have the incredible opportunity to begin again with each sunrise.  The things that did not turn out well, disappointments, tragedies and troubles of yesterday have vanished into thin air.  The new beginning is here and now.  How can we ever imagine the amazing things that might happen if we fully participate in the process of today as it unfolds?  We drop the idea of expectations and adopt an attitude of gratitude.  Of course good things will happen and some tough ones too.  The outcomes are determined by our positive thinking and resolution of beginning anew.

Walter Winchel once said that we should: "Remember today, for it is the beginning of always. Today marks the start of a brave new future filled with all your dreams can hold. Think truly to the future and make those dreams come true.”   We give up on dreams too easily.  They take a back seat to the daily grind of obligations.  I once had a young patient who was struggling with very painful issues of abuse and addiction.  He was only 14.  The gritty determination to be well that he had was inspiring.  At the close of his treatment he was on the road to real healing.  His mother asked for a few moments after his last session.  She thanked me for all of the help and began to weep.  What would become of her when Shane graduated from high school in a few years and she was left alone?  Her whole life had been dedicated, as a single Mom, to raising her only child.  Her dreams of becoming an attorney had dissolved along with her marriage years ago.  I asked her a simple question.  What would it take to start studying to be a lawyer right now?  She was dumbfounded.  That was a ridiculous question.  She could only possibly work in one class a semester (and that would be damn hard).  It would take ten years at least.  I asked another question followed by a statement.  What will happen if you don't do it?  In ten years you will be alone, working at a job that you hate.  Or you can be a lawyer in ten years.  The choice is yours.  She looked at me strangely, thanked me, and left.

I was living in the mountains of North Carolina three years after that conversation in Champaign, Illinois with Shane and his mother.  I got a phone call one evening and it was Shane.  He was bubbling over with news that he had just graduated from high school.  I congratulated him and told him how proud I was.  We talked for a few minutes and he asked if I would like to say hello to his Mom.  I agreed and he put her on the phone.  We were both thrilled for her boy.  Then she told me her own great story.  She had pursued the idea that we had talked about three years ago and things had gone well.  Very well.  Her announcement floored me.  She was going to sit for the Illinois Bar that summer.  Her dreams had come true.  Her positive spin on 'can do and will do' had changed her life.

The next time we face a difficulty we have a chance to wrestle with a ‘can do and will do’ state of mind.  We ‘can and will’ improve our situation rather than agonize over it.  We ‘can and will’ have the life that we have dreamed of having.  The only thing that can stop us is giving in and giving up. 

Living The Questions

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” 

~ Rainer Maria Rilke (Letters to A Young Poet)

The spiritual concept of “living the questions” has been somewhat maligned by religious fundamentalists for the past several years.  It has been misunderstood as a modernistic, self centered approach that threatens the institutional Church.  The answers, it is said, are readily available in scripture and the teachings of those chosen to lead their congregations.  There is some truth to this.  Institutions always fear that which might challenge doctrine.  These kinds of challenges have historically created chaos which threatened the very foundations of religion.  Martin Luther’s confrontation, for example, set Christianity on a path that ultimately changed the way that people worshiped and fragmented the Church into many segments.  Living the questions sets us on a course of individual exploration.  It does not confine us to established doctrine.  It is important to remember, however, is that it does not discount or discard that doctrine either.

God gives us a grand invitation to be something new in the world. Living the questions is about following a path into the answers rather than accepting someone else’s solutions. When we live the questions in our conversations, we are in dialogue with the people around us. When we live the questions as a way of life, we are in dialogue with life, itself. When we live our questions, we are always discovering new answers to them. Perhaps we shouldn't even speak of "answers". Perhaps living a question, living an inquiry, is like living with a fruit tree that continually generates fruit for our nourishment. There is never anything final about any particular apple from an apple tree. More will follow. They don't answer, they just nourish. Ultimately, questions can take us deeper into the meaning of our lives.

There are questions that lie hidden in our hearts. We notice them living within us if we look at our past and present lives with care. Some have been with us for many years; some may be fresh and new. Some may excite us; others terrify us into keeping them hidden. How we can learn to live these questions creatively, so that they move us toward living into the answer? We begin by recognizing and honoring the questions that we are already living. This is difficult because living the questions can be uncomfortable. Ours is not a culture comfortable with ambiguity: we want certainty, a clear-cut solution; we want to know what's right and what's wrong. Questions are meant to have immediate answers, so those that don't lend themselves to obvious or convenient answers get hidden away.

Some of the most disturbing questions are those that we have been asking since we were quite young. Who am I? Where am I going? What does this all mean? There is substantial work to be done in following these. God asks us questions that are meant to lead us. Scripture offers us the first question from God to man: “And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day; and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, ‘Where art thou?’

Where are you? Are you where your body is? Or where your mind is? Are you living fully in the pain and frustrations of the present? Or are you daydreaming about some past that never really was? Or fantasizing about some future that never will be? Are you standing up to be counted? Or are you going along with the crowd? Are you accepting the cost of your freedom? Or are you hiding among the trees of the garden? “Where are you”, the first question from God to man. Questions are very valuable. Our culture rushes for answers, but no answer means anything until we have followed the question.

We are afraid of questions. We think questions make us seem stupid or incompetent. The questions actually are our entrances to larger life. Not what we already know but what we have yet to learn is our growing edge. The poet Rilke counsels us to learn to love our questions. I believe there is a loving God, that God loves me, and that God loves all human beings exactly as God loves me. Following the questions is about this very faith. Faith is not only the decision to risk; it is also the power to make that decision. It is the courage to be, to affirm yourself in the face of all that denies us.

Following the questions gives us an insight. It gives us the ability to say YES to ourselves when everyone seems to be shouting NO. It is also about being able to listen to that NO and hear what message it is sending from which we can profit. It takes a leap of faith toward a spiritual dimension. When we refuse to discount that NO but accept it as a component of our own path toward the answer, we are no longer bound by the model that set by those who are shouting NO. We will find the freedom to continue our search and point ourselves in the direction of God. We will be able to respond to God’s question “Where are you” with the answer “Here I am”. We will trust that if we move today by the finite and partial light that is given us that we will know more and different things tomorrow than we know today. We can be open to new possibilities that we cannot even imagine today.

A Sense of Humor

Uncle Milty with Lucy and Ricky (Now that's funny!)



Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.  This phrase is attributed to Gilbert Keith Chesterton.  He is obviously reminding us that we adults mostly engage in a somber approach to our daily lives.  We forget to appreciate the humor and fun that accompany us.  We do battle with our work, our finances and even our recreation, friends and families.  We take inventory at the end of the day of what we have accomplished. We examine our to-do lists as if we have to prove we are worthy of breathing air. One of the paradoxes of life is that by taking ourselves lightly, we are actually better able to frame ourselves and our work more seriously.  There seems to be an effort afoot to hide this great truth.  It is not unusual to see grim faced people working at our grocery stores, banks, retail businesses and churches.  They seem to be burdened with all of the great weight of the world.  This demeanor is so prevalent that anyone who greets us with cheerfulness is almost suspect.  What is happening to our collective sense of humor?

I work in a field of dire circumstances.  The people that I serve (and who serve me) are engaged in a life and death struggle between addiction and recovery.  Yesterday, I encountered a young man who embodies good humor.  He has suffered plenty of loss due to his addictive disease yet continues to find fun in life.  Tom sat across from me in my office and began to weave fun into our conversation.  "Can my dog benefit from buprenorphine?" he asked.  I was caught off guard and stammered out some line about dogs having similar pain receptors to humans and all mammals.  This was his opportunity to spin a tale of doggie pain due to a medical condition, a veterinarian who admonished him for titrating the poor little guy too quickly off of his pain medications and finally the pet's withdrawal symptoms.  Fido was sniffing at the medicine cabinet. Would Suboxone be an appropriate measure?  I finally got it and joined in the fun.  We talked in mock seriousness about Doggie-Anon and Pet Narcotics Anonymous.  It was just great.  Tom has not only embraced his own recovery but is having a good time with it.  He is taking himself lightly.

There is certainly a time to grieve.  There is also a time to celebrate and live life fully.  We need to take notice of all the beauty and riches that surround us.  We are not called to mourn our lives away but to give thanks, receive pleasure and be good to one another.  It is time to have a good laugh.  Let's break some of our adult habits and let loose with a joke.  It will do no harm.  Let's lighten up and fly with the angels.  By the way...we are starting a chapter of NAP (Narcotics Anonymous for Pets) in Greenville, SC.  Feel free to google us and bring your dog or cat to the next meeting.  But only if they have admitted that they are powerless. SERIOUSLY.

The Beloved

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love,

where there is injury, pardon

where there is doubt, faith,

where there is despair, hope,

where there is darkness, light,

where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console,

not so much to be understood as to understand,

not so much to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.

The life of Saint Francis is a model for our relationship with God. He gives us the exemplar of lover and beloved. Francis had a love affair with God.  His personal story teaches us that we each are called to be the beloved. We are the ones who are pursued by God throughout all of time and eternity. We are chosen by him and carry the mark of his unqualified, unconditional love. Why, then, are we continually struggling?  Why do we experience such sadness, lonliness, darkness and pain? 

The paradoxical nature of our lives can be better understood when we absorb the Saint Francis Prayer. Troubles and difficulties that plague us can begin to be understood as gifts that lead us...just as the prodigal son was lead…back home and into the loving embrace of God our father. We hear the words that were given to the resentful son: “I am with you always and everything I have is yours” (Luke 15: 11-32). The Prayer of Saint Francis tells us that it is in forgiving that we are forgiven, in loving that we are loved and in understanding that we are understood. In other words, God seeks us regardless of our situation. This love is the very basis of our identity.

The knowledge of our incredible identity can enable us to make better decisions and improve our relationships with loved ones and other people in our lives. It allows us to discard negative depictions that detractors might try to hang around our shoulders. We are able to understand that the perspectives of others are truly only opinions and are filtered through their limited experiences with us. The only clear vision of our identity is the one of God, the lover. If we can only grasp a small measure of this identity and this relationship we will begin to act unencumbered by negativity. All we have to do is to remember who we are.

Inner Peace

Our struggles, successes, failures and daily doings keep us occupied and often distracted from the real purpose of our being. We all seek an inner peace which will give us solace, rest and serenity. We long for the ramblings and ragings in our heads to quiet themselves yet continue to strive forward in search of some external goal that will bring us happiness. There never seems to be enough time. And that is the illusion that drives us. There is time if we decide to make it. All we have to do is make peace within a priority.

The difficulty we find in making time to do the work necessary for inner peace is just that.  Making time.  The difficulty in making peace a priority is similiar.  We don't make time or make peace a priority because there is an inner voice hidden deep in our minds that tells us that we are somehow not worthy of the effort.  Everything else is more important.  The result is a frantic lifestyle that causes inner and outer conflict, compromised physical health, regrets and resentments.  We can always take care of our aching selves later.  Maybe on vacation or when we retire.  The truth is that we need to start right now if we are ever to find peace.

Peace Pilgrim taught that there is a criterion by which we can judge whether the thoughts that we are thinking and the things that we are doing are right for us. The criterion is: Have they brought us inner peace? If they have not, there is something wrong with them…so keep seeking! If what we do has brought us inner peace, stay with what we believe is right. This is a key to finding the answers that we seek. We can make time every morning or every night to spend in quiet contemplation of our lives. We can choose to simplify. We can choose to love. We can choose peace within and peace with others.

Slow Down

The busyness of life often rushes us past all of the miraculous things that are happening all aroun us.  We rush from activity to activity, from crisis to crisis and fall, exhausted into our beds to gather enough energy to do it all again the next day. We are so consumed with the goings-on around us that slowing down and looking inward requires a determined act of will. Like the constant thirst of a desert traveler, greed consumes us, stealing our attention away from the graces of life. When we continually want more, we find ourselves noticing what is missing rather than savoring the deep enjoyment of contentment. Contentment, unlike greed, helps us live fully. We become aware by seeing, tasting, hearing, smelling, feeling the God-given gifts that are right in front of us. When greed severs us from contentment, our soul withers from a lack of grateful awareness.

How can we accomplish this? The first discipline is to live attentively. The Buddhists call this mindfulness. All it means is to be aware of life. Hear the silence of the snow. Feel the cracks in the earth. Look into one another’s eyes. Pay attention to every single moment and that moment alone. Feel it. We will take it into our bones and let it transform us.  The second discipline is to learn to let go. We can begin to simplify life. Simplify possessions, thoughts, desires, and our expectations. When we can let go, our arms are open and ready to receive all the good things God longs to give us.

Epiphany

Today is the celebration of Epiphany.  It is a time of wonder in which a new birth of the world envisioned by the Magi, named Caspar, Melchior, and Balthasar was manifested in their visit to Bethlehem.  They found the baby Jesus with his parents.  It is the end of the Christmas season.  The Roman Catholic Church blesses homes and churches by marking the initials of the Magi over their doors using the first letters of each of the Magi’s names, CMB.  These initials also connote the Latin phrase Christus mansionem benedicat, which means "may Christ bless the house".  The celebrations around the world are rich in tradition and vary from country to country.  Christmas decorations come down in most places and Three Kings Cake is eaten.  People dress as the wise men, there are parades and wonderful feasts.  The common thread among them is the realization that something wonderful has happened and is happening as forseen in a mutual vision by three people at the same time in different parts of the world more than two millennia ago.  They all had an epiphany.

There was a gathering of individuals at a meeting in our treatment center the other night.  The topic of the session was “a moment of clarity”.  Everyone in attendance had suffered serious, life threatening, addictions.  Their lives had been deteriorating for years and nothing seemed to stop the downward spiral that was taking them from their families, friends and everything that was important to them.  Then something incredible happened to each and every one in the group.  Everything changed.  There was one incredible moment of clarity that pointed them in a differenet direction.  Treatment options were explored and the journey of recovery began.  Nothing else would have changed the progression of the disease.  There was a sudden spiritual awakening that re-made their worlds.  They had an epiphany.

These magnificent sudden realizations allow us to find the missing piece of life’s puzzle.  We are given the opportunity to step back and somehow see the big picture.  Everything becomes clear.  Quantum leaps in science, literature, technology and religion have been made because of such moments.  We shout “I have found it!” and move on to use the epiphany as a point of reference for the rest of our lives.  We all have little epiphanies throughout our lives.  Some of us have earth shattering ones.  It is no matter whether they are big or small.  They have the power to transform us.  All we must do is be open to the moment and to be patient with the process.  God speaks to us when we are quiet.  Listen.