Becoming Tolerant

The answer to achieving tolerance towards others is almost always found in self acceptance. That which we find bothersome, annoying or intolerable in people is a key to personal growth. The very defects of character that we deplore in our neighbor are often hidden within our own hearts and minds. Sometimes they are buried deeply and sometimes they lie just beneath our surface. We are often quick to judge when we see these shortcomings or excesses in others. We might criticize the person and his behavior or just shake our heads with a sense of superiority. Somewhere inside, however, we know that this is just what we fear about ourselves.

Every time we become aware of our intolerance we have an opportunity to address our own issues. We have been given the chance to improve, fine tune and change. The process of self acceptance is an ongoing adventure. There is nothing that can stand in the way if we are eager to become a better person. The spiritual path of becoming can prove to be irresistible if we see ourselves for who we really are. The goodness that is within us far outshines any little flaws that need to be overcome. Each of us is a perfect creation of God. Each of us is a part of that source from which we came. Nobody is separate from the other. We are all in this together. Understanding this truth makes it possible to be tolerant and accepting of others. It removes the heavy burden of judgment.

The Divine Mirror

The quest for understanding our own lives absolutely involves getting to know other people. We cannot develop true discernment without self exploration through the mirror offered by others. This has been called "the Divine Mirror". When looking deeply into it we see all of our beauty and blemishes. We see other people through the filter of self. We might even begin to glimpse the delight that is envisioned by the Creator of it all.

There is great wisdom in the old adage about walking a mile in the shoes of another person. We can never know the life-long effect of the trials and troubles endured by fellow human beings. All we get to see is the snapshot of the momentary encounters that we have. This never offers much depth of experience. We often offer knee jerk reactions and over-reactions in response to annoyances caused by such meetings. Sometimes the exchanges can be unpleasant and troubling.

We always have the opportunity to stop, hesitate and consider prior to taking action. Mentally holding up a mirror to envision our reactions will almost always elicit a different answer to encounters with people. We are able to see ourselves and our actions through the eyes of others. We take the opportunity to envision more than the behavior that is upsetting. A different person is revealed as we look more deeply than the present moment. My own practice is to see each person as a child. It is much harder to be judgmental with a nine year old than with an adult. Try taking the time to look more deeply. The experience will enhance and provide a better understanding of life.

Judging Others

It is easy to find fault with people. We often quickly assess the interior makeup of others by their appearance, a snapshot of behavior or by the opinion of a friend. This determination is usually dismissive and often an attack on the character of the subject of our judgment. These surface observations are overly simplistic and rarely accurate. The problem is that the discussion of other people’s faults has become a popular spectator sport. Tearing people down is considered funny and is often supported by groups of friends. TV even builds entire sitcoms around making fun of others weaknesses.

There are consequences for rendering these kinds of verdicts. Our judgments inflict suffering that we rarely get to see. There is none-the-less something that withers and dies when we demean another, not only in them, but in ourselves. We become more arrogant and the subject of our disdain is diminished. There is little possibility that a relationship or friendship might develop. We have probably squandered that opportunity forever. How shallow we can become when we behave in this way! How one dimensional we can become when it evolves into a habit!

Begin anew today. Make a resolution to catch other people being good. Walk away from situations where ridicule is the topic of conversation. Don’t laugh at or make fun of anyone. Take some time with an individual who has been the butt of jokes. Remember what our mothers used to say? Be Nice!