New Year Reconciliation

Rembrandt's Prodigal Son

Many of us have a tradition of making resolutions for the New Year.  We give some thought to how we would like to improve ourselves and create a better coming year.  This is certainly one of the best customs that we follow.  It is true that many of the promises fade into oblivion prior to the Spring Thaw but some of them do not.  We really do put an effort into changing.  What a wonderful transformation might occur if one of those resolutions was to begin engaging in the process of reconciliation with those people that we have wronged or who have harmed us.  The weight of resentment would be lifted from our shoulders.  Our world would be made over with the clouds of bitterness dispelled.

Reconciliation is very different from forgiveness.  Forgiveness means letting go of the offenses that have caused us pain and suffering.  It means releasing thoughts of revenge and retribution.  We do not need an apology from the person who has harmed us.  Forgiveness is first and foremost for the forgiver.  The other person may never know what you have done.  Your heart is unburdened by the past that is unchangeable.

Reconciliation is a commitment to the future. This process, unlike forgiveness, cannot happen unilaterally.  It means actually returning to some degree of friendliness between parties.  A mutual trust has to be reestablished. The first step to reconciliation requires that we accept our own part in the wrongdoing.  We cannot be reconciled if we hold ourselves completely innocent.  We have to establish that each person is responsible for their own actions and that all of us have a right to our feelings and perceptions.  We must commit to ethical standards that enable us to trust that we won’t be hurt in the future.

Genuine reconciliation cannot solely be based on a desire for harmony. It requires a mutual commitment. There are four ethical principles which are indispensable foundations for meaningful reconciliation.

1.  First do no harm

2.  Everyone deserves respect

3.  We have a responsibility to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person

4.  We are always responsible for our own actions

Forgiveness alone isn’t enough to make reconciliation possible. It’s only possible when both parties in the dispute have the willingness, maturity, integrity, and honesty that are essential to the process. Forgiveness is never impossible even in cases where there is no chance for reconciliation. May this new year be one in which we all attempt to engage in amends making, forgiveness and reconciliation.

The Christmas Boxes

I really love Christmas. There is nothing else in the calendar that makes me so happy. My head and heart are full of stories that are rich with traditions, family and friends. It is difficult to imagine that there is anyone who has been blessed any more than I. There has always been abundant love easily accessed for me. Despite my failings and shortcomings most of the people in my life have hung in there and supported me. I am so thankful.

One of the warm Christmas memories that I have comes from 1992. I had been living in the mountains of North Carolina near Brevard for almost two years and had just moved into an A Frame home near Lake Toxaway. My good friend, Michael Sessom, had been staying with me. He was quite a spiritual teacher and guide. The move took place in November and it was obvious that the house would lend itself nicely to holiday decorations. Michael called it a Christmas House. The steep two story ceiling would accommodate a huge tree but buying one that tall would be impossible. Friends of mine from Madison County, Steve Magin and Boone and Kathy McFalls came to the rescue. They chopped down a gigantic pine and hauled it down to the house for Thanksgiving. A wood frame had to be constructed just to hold it. Hours of planning, building, pulling and yanking finally resulted in success. The living room was filled with the magnificent tree. Michael spend days putting balls and ornaments on it. He made dozens of “God Eyes” and other things to hang. It took lots and lots of lights as well. The finished Christmas tree was impressive to say the least but the few presents underneath looked a bit paltry. This led Michael to make a decision that would change the way that I would look at presents for the rest of my life.

We were admiring the tree after work at Bridgeway Treatment Center one chilly December night. Michael was disappointed in the emptiness underneath and made a terrific suggestion. “Let’s wrap up the moving boxes like Christmas presents.” He said. “You take half of the boxes and I will take the other half. Then we will write a Christmas memory and put it in the box. On Christmas Eve we can open them and share our memories.” I agreed and we went about the job for the next several days. The big, gaily wrapped boxes looked stunning around the tree. It was perfect. The Christmas Eve opening was actually moved to the day before. I was headed up to Illinois to be with my daughters. There was never a more emotional or deeply moving present exchange that I can remember. Each box contained such joy and happiness. Some of the memories had sadnesses but all of them reflected the great riches and love that we had experienced in our lives. The meaning of Christmas went far beyond the material things that year and has traveled with me ever since.

We are all loved more than we will ever know. Merry, Merry Christmas to you!

Christmas Eve

There is seldom a Christmas Eve when I don't watch the 1951 classic "A Christmas Carol" with Alistair Sim.  It has been a tradition since they started showing in on TV back in the late 50s or early 60s.  There are plenty of messages that the movie sends.  Perhaps the strongest is one of awakening and redemption.

It was a painful process that finally brought Scrooge to his Christmas epiphany. He promised that he would "honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year."  Startled shock did not do it. Reliving his past sadnesses and joys did not. Experiencing the suffering of others didn’t either. It was being faced with his own mortality and the fact that time was at hand which delivered him to an awakening.

We always think that there is plenty of time. We will give to charity when we are better off financially, spend time with the kids when we aren’t so busy, visit an old friend next week or call that special relative later. But time is at hand for us just as it was for Ebenezer Scrooge. Christmas reminds us that we have an opportunity, right now, to change the way that we operate. It is about redemption, reconciliation, forgiveness and a celebration of life. It is about new birth.

Merry Christmas to all!

A Puppy for Christmas

Bobby Jones & Santa 1957

There is nothing that can compare to the joy felt by a child when receiving a dog for Christmas. More elaborate and bigger gifts might be forgotten in a relatively short time but a puppy from Santa will always be remembered. My own experience was 53 years ago but is as vivid in my mind as if it happened last year.

It was December, 1957 and I had been campaigning for a dog since summer. The crusade was relentless. “Every boy needs a dog. “ I finally heard Mother say to my Dad. “He seems to want one so badly. I’m just sure he would take care of it.” Dad retorted that he knew better than that. “You and I are going to end up taking it out and feeding it.” "The answer is NO!" My heart sank. I knew that I would be a good master. Visions of Lassie and Jeff streamed through my brain. How tough could it be to take care of a dog? It was after Thanksgiving and the only recourse seemed to be going to Meis Brothers Department Store and asking for the intervention of Santa Claus. I would not have stooped to visiting Santa if it wasn't an emergency. Most of my friends were pretty sure that he did not exist. But it was sure worth a try. Mom made me get all dressed up and took me to the lap of my last hope. The plea of a lonely little boy seemed to be too much for my Mom. It looked like she had a tear in her eye when I completed my poignant begging. SUCCESS! It was all up to her and good ole Santa now.  Dad was no match for both of them.

The Christmas season was busy with family gatherings and school plays. No verbal mention was made again of my fondest wish. After all, I did not want to nix the deal with SC. There were longing sighs and lonely looks that should have transmitted my desperation but you never know how parents might interpret such things. Christmas Eve arrived. We always got to open one present prior to going over to my grandparents house. I was pretty sure what my gift was going to be. What a disappointment when there was no animal sized box with holes in it around the tree. I got a ping pong ball burp gun.  Geez.  How would Santa know to deliver a puppy to the home of relatives? Surely there was a mistake…some mixup with another kid down the block or something. We went to my grandparents house and there was no wriggling sack or whimpering crate. No way in the world would Santa take a dog to my Aunt Helen's home in DeLand, Illinois. That was never happening. So I began to settle into the bleak resolve that Santa did not exist and that my parents had hearts of stone.

Dinner time came and I had no appetite. My grandmother had prepared a feast for the families. Every favorite was displayed on good china. Goodies were overflowing the table. I couldn’t have cared less. My grandmother noticed and asked “What' wrong, Robby?" (She was the only one allowed to call me Robby).  I mumbled something but was interrupted by the back doorbell. It was tradition that only adults answered the door so when my grandmother told me to answer it I was dumbstruck. Dad said “You heard Noie, get the door.” I hopped up , ran to the door and opened it hard. There, standing in all of his glory, was Santa Claus himself. He asked if I was Bobby Jones. I stammered a "yes" and he went on to say that he had missed one of my presents and just made the discovery on his sleigh. He knelt down and opened his red bag. It was wiggling...and there before my very eyes was a little black puppy. I hugged Santa as hard as I could and scooped up my little pal. There he was…My pride and joy. Everything else became a blur for the next 24 hours. I named him Penny and he was by my side, in my bed and nipping at my feet at all times. There was never a better present and never again was there a doubt in my mind about the existence of Santa Claus. For the rest of my life. Really.

An Advent & Christmas Story

The greatest miracle of Christmas is an awakening.  We are not on our journey alone.  God has joined us on the path by becoming human.  He walks with us and participates in our joys and sadnesses.  We do not have to be afraid.  We have our loyal and loving companion.

There is a wonderful little story that is always worth sharing at Christmas.  It is a favorite of mine.  The fourth Sunday of Advent asks that we stand prepared to receive God where we are.  It asks for us to participate.  Here is the story:

"In New York City, on a cold day in December, a little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold. A lady approached the young boy and said, ‘my, but you’re in such deep thought staring in that window!’ ‘I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,’ was the boy’s reply. The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel. By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy’s feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, ‘No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.’ As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her. ‘Are you God’? No, said the woman. I am only his child. The boy smiled and said. I knew it. I knew you were some relation of his."

Now is the time to act like a relative.  It is time to reach out and assist others in solidarity with God.  It is Christmas.

Joy and Anticipation

Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree

This third week of Advent shines it's light on what will come to pass.  There has been a sense that we were imprisoned with only a promise of liberation.  Trust and faith were our only companions.  But now our waiting is filled with joy as we can clearly see our way to freedom.  The world is just about ready to change and the signs are undeniable.  People are not as preoccupied with the daily grind and are more concerned with giving gifts and celebration.  Parties are breaking out all over the place.  Bright colored clothing, strange sweaters and interesting socks are replacing grays, blacks and browns.  Decorations and lights seem to be in every window.  It is impossible to deny the difference.

There is hesitation about going overboard especially when economic times are tough.  The barrage of negative forecasting goes on despite Advent and Christmas.  We worry about how to make ends meet and project an extra burden with the need to buy more presents for people in our lives.  There is nothing wrong with cutting back.  We have to learn that quanity has little to do with quality.  One gift thoughtfully purchased or made especially with the needs and desires of our loved one in mind will be more gratefully received than half a dozen that were bought in a frenzy.  We are only asked to give them with an outpouring of love and affection.  Then we can let go of our shortcomings and focus on our abundance.

This is the time to share joy and enthusiasm.  Let's stop worrying.  We have the opportunity to be fully present for our friends and families.  Put on a smile and attend the celebration.  Don't let this season happen without your full involvement.  Wear some antlers and jingle some bells.  What better time to be a kid again than right now?

The Advent Conspiracy

Holy Name Cathedral, Chicago, Illinois

There is an interesting movement afoot during the Christmas Season this year. People around the country have become involved in something called the “Advent Conspiracy”. They are making it known that there is another way to fully celebrate the holidays. They also pray that we might change the way that we operate throughout the year and suggest that we consider the following things as a part of Advent and Christmas:

• Worship Fully: It’s a season where we are called to put down our burdens and lift a song up to our God. It’s a season where love wins, peace reigns, and where life is celebrated with each breath. A true thankfulness will arise as we awaken to the powerful comprehension of the gift of simply being alive.
• Spend Less: We are asked to buy one less present this Christmas. There is always a gift that is given just out of obligation. We are aware when we receive such a present. There is little joy that accompanies them. It is a small sacrifice but one that will be significant. Replace the present with the gift of presence. It is a chance to become more available to the people in our lives.
• Give More: This is a season of making time for love. We can go sledding with the kids, make great cookies, dig up old family traditions and practice them again. Take some time to sit down and listen to family members and friends without voicing our opinions, advice or constructive criticism. It is all about deepening relationships.
• Love All: It is not so difficult to love the loveable things and people in our lives. The problem comes when we are asked to love and accept the annoying or disturbing. Everyone in our lives is placed there for a reason. The challenge of expanding our love to as many of them as we can is precisely what we are asked to do.

It is difficult for most of us to access this level of consciousness as we are often consumed by the ups and downs of our individual experiences in the world. The thing to remember about the world, though, is that it ebbs and flows, expands and contracts, gives and takes, and is by its very nature somewhat unreliable. If we only feel gratitude when it serves our desires, this is not true thankfulness. No one is exempt from the twists and turns of fate, which may, at any time, take the possessions, situations, and people we love away from us. Ironically, it is sometimes this kind of loss that awakens us to a thankfulness that goes deeper than just being grateful when things go our way. Illness and near-miss accidents can also serve as wake-up calls to the deeper realization that we are truly lucky to be alive.

We can also awaken ourselves with the intention to be more aware of the unconditional generosity of the life force that flows through us regardless of our circumstances. In so-doing we are one with the great mystery that is life.