The Value of Forgiveness

Courtney Jones with Nelle Jones Stensel

Forgiveness is a process of conversion. It does not ensure change in our enemy or the one who has harmed us in some way. People who have caused difficulty in our lives, pain, frustration and disappointment might have been expelled from our hearts. We become irritated at the thought of them and the wrongs that they have inflicted. Yet, the first thing that we are asked to do in our spiritual or religious disciplines is to pray for them. We are told to bring our enemies to the center of our hearts and become willing to make them part of our most sacred activity. It is a difficult thing to do. But it must be done in order to free ourselves from the bondage of resentment and hatred.

Nelle Jones Stensel was a deeply spiritual woman. She was the seventh of eight children born to a dynamic and active family. They were active in athletics, community projects and the Methodist church. The smallest of the group, Nelle was sometimes lost in the shuffle but always had the deep sense of being loved. Her adult life had tragedy and loss from which some people do not recover. Her oldest child had a bout with meningitis and was left with mental retardation and tendencies to angry outbursts. He was eventually institutionalized. Nellie’s second child was a beautiful girl who was filled with enthusiasm and grace. Elfrieda Stensel was murdered by her former fiancé just two days before her nineteenth birthday. The young man was sentenced to life in prison but paroled after only seven years. Nelle did not seek revenge nor did she bury resentment in her heart. She prayed for him and asked that he be forgiven. Most of the family was outraged when Nelle offered this man assistance upon his release from prison. Nelle was unaffected. Her faith told her that this was the right way to respond. Her gentleness and kindness effused bringing healing to even the deepest wound. It was from this aunt that I learned the abiding way of forgiveness. A heart can never harden when enemies are converted to brothers and sisters.

Who benefits most from forgiveness? Is it the one who has caused the problems and inflicted damage? Is it the community who bears witness to the wonder of absolution? Or, is it the one who offers the forgiveness in the first place? Perhaps everyone receives grace. The greatest gift, however, is granted to the one who forgives. It is a lifelong struggle, but the fruit of the effort is a kind of salvation. Hostility is replaced by acceptance. We find a new way of responding to our world by offering love in place of hatred. Our own hearts are freed. We begin to understand that we too are worthy of forgiveness whoever we are and whatever we might have done.