Don't Worry

There are so many things to worry about. We are barraged with alarming information every day that causes us to be concerned. Big things are always going on. There are terror attacks, wars, nuclear threat and natural disasters that come into our living rooms through newscasts as often as we want to tune into them. Vivid images of tragedy play out before our very eyes. Then there are personal worries. Our parents are getting older and forgetful. Our children seem to be at risk continually. Financial problems and difficulties at work keep us awake at night. There is just no getting around it. The problems of life and the things that we face are troubling. Worrying will do absolutely nothing to solve any of it. The more we worry the more we become emotionally, spiritually and even physically crippled.

It does not matter whether a situation is real or imagined. Nothing is ever gained by fretting over it. Clear thinking becomes clouded and decision making is hampered. We begin to develop a fight or flight response as the intensity of worry increases. We have to either get away or kick some butt to find relief. Other negative behaviors crop up around worry. Many people complain that they have fantasies of death or of being someone else, preoccupation with money and an escalation of drinking or other substance use. We still worry on despite the fact that it never accomplishes anything, that it causes irrational thinking and creates negative behaviors. We just cannot seem to stop. The more we try the worse it gets.

There are is a relatively simple technique that is helpful in eliminating, or at least easing, worry. It involves making a list of all of the issues that are causing us concern. Things always have way of shrinking in size when we write them down. The next step is to allow ourselves to worry later. Postponing worry by giving ourselves permission to do it in the future is a proven method for tricking the brain into believing that the thoughts which are consuming it will be dealt with when appropriate. It is a psychological technique that actually lets you forget the worry. It will break the continual habit of worrying and allow happiness in the moment. Once we have broken the cycle our worries will begin to diminish and resolve themselves.

Everything will work out one way or the other. We can do whatever is possible to resolve our problems and let go of that which is beyond us. Remember the serenity prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” Don’t Worry...Be Happy!

Don't Hurry

There is no reason to hurry through life to reach those heights of achievement associated with the paths we have chosen. Everything seems to be rushed in our world today. We are far more attentive to the dramatic and intense experiences that present themselves than to the moments when nothing seems to be happening. We feel a need to cram as much into every moment as we possibly can. We actually compete with each other to demonstrate how busy we are. The busier we are the more important our position. Of course this is not the case. Enjoying and fully experiencing the journey of life is more important than getting to the top and conquering goals. There are lessons we can learn during the seemingly insignificant moments that cannot be taught at any other time.

Our lives are guided by natural rhythms that are unique to each of us. Soren Kierkegaard once said that “Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.” The truth is that life is a journey made up of processes that cannot be altered by force. Time is a great equalizer which sweeps away the importance of events that seemed to be so critical when we were engaged in them. Delight lives within our own hearts. We can't help but encounter delight in the small moments when we give them our unconditional attention.

It is important to remember that everything which happens in life will occur in its own time. There is no rush. We begin to connect with all that has gone unnoticed when we celebrate the ordinary moments in life. The secret is becoming patient enough to take pleasure in life’s unfolding.

Go For The Gusto!

We each have the unique opportunity to hold life in our hands with wonder and awe. The moment that we are experiencing right now is extraordinary, amazing and sacred. There are miracles happening all around us. It is estimated that the population of the world in May, 2010 was 6,821,200,000. Imagine the reality of six billion eight hundred million experiences of life all happening right now. Each of us has a different perspective of what is truly going on. Every possible human emotion and life event is occurring. There is joy, sorrow, ecstasy, despondence, war, peace, birth, marriage and death. It would take an eternity to fully understand this one single moment in time from the irreplaceable viewpoint of all of the people who are in it. Why, then, would any of us be so self centered to think that we have all of the answers? We cannot even comprehend the very second that we having right now. We do not know when, how or where we are going to die. We are given this gift of here and now to treasure. Only a grateful heart and a sense of appreciation should accept it. What is our plan to deal with these singular wild and precious moments?

We don’t want to end up simply having visited this world. It is only possible to live fully if we abandon all notions of superiority, self importance or great wisdom. Little children are much closer to the truth than adults. They do not claim to have the answers. Like them, we must walk through the door of the present with curiosity and wonder. Everything is filled with possibility. Everyone is here to have a part of it. It is wasted only if we are closed off and self absorbed. We are called to participate with some measure of enthusiasm. Give up the narrow viewpoint. Let go of the doomsday attitude. There are fields of flowers and amazing discoveries to be had. The fullness of time is available. There is nothing to stop us except self conceived limitations. George Bernard Shaw observed that many of us live life as a "feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."  We have another chance right now.  Let’s go for the gusto!

Mothers

We do not get to choose our biological parents. They are chosen for us and, in turn, give us the unique combination of genetic codes and markers that make us the matchless human beings that we are. They raise us. This happens sometimes to our liking and often not. It is our nature to grow apart as we experience distinctive events, both large and small. Behaviors and behavior patterns emerge that become the hallmark of our daily survival. These are primarily shaped by praise and punishment of mothers. It is not that fathers are always absent or uninvolved. The mothers are just set up to nurture. We spend years breaking away.

The separation that occurs as we become more and more independent is a source of pride and pain for mothers. We experience joy, fear and exhilaration as we spread our wings often hurrying back to the protection of her loving arms. Finally the day comes and we are out on our own. The nest is empty for the most part and the mothers wait patiently for us to return. We really never do. We visit and sometimes even move back in for awhile. But the child is gone. A lifelong empty space is the mother’s burden.

I remember feeling that emptiness in my own mother. She had lived a life that had numerous losses and tragedies. Two wonderful husbands and two children were taken from her. All she had left was me. I tried to be attentive by stopping by frequently. She was deeply lonely in her last years despite my best efforts. Mom would brighten when I would come and our conversations were lively. She would watch me leave with sadness and her darkness would return. “Will I see you tomorrow?” she would ask. I would assure her that she would. Life was not heading in a good direction for me. Money was tight. Drinking was becoming a real problem. My marriage was fragile. She was doing everything she could to help me while I was attempting to help her. She died trying. My world continued to spin out of control for several years but eventually came together. I don’t think that she would have necessarily approved of my choices and decisions but things have worked out. I have been sober for ten years. I remarried after finding a terrific woman who is my friend and soul mate. I have relationships with two of my three children. My career is rewarding. Life is good.

I wish that Mom could have been spared the intensity of anguish in her life. I wish that I could have been a better son. That's the way that it is for most of us. We become orphans at some point. Finally there is no parent to correct our path and we yearn for mothering. We would love to hear the words of our childhood from mother who says “Don’t worry honey. Everything will be okay.” But the truth of that statement can still resound in our lives. They are bread for the journey. They offer a perspective that we can always tap. Thanks Mom. I know.

Life Is Short

Anyone who has known me for any length of time, or who has been the recipient of my emails or blog, is well aware that I am continually trying to communicate that Life Is Good. I have it plastered on my car, have tee shirts and hats that say it and even had it chiseled on my gravestone. It is a generational message passed on from my Grandfather and Dad. Despite this, the perspective is sometimes lost even to me. Fate has a way of handing out difficult situations for all of us. They crop up and occupy enough space that the truth of life's goodness is blotted out. It happens to everyone. You can’t be on the planet for very long without receiving bad news or being overwhelmed by something or another. Perhaps there is another little phrase that should go along with Life Is Good. It is this. Life Is Short.

Nothing can buy us an extra day or an extra minute of life. And we are only here for a minute. Life Is Short. There is absolutely no hardship, misfortune or tragedy that will last forever. A friend of mine in Atlanta ten years ago told me that 'things come to pass, they don’t come to stay'. I was reminded of that today at work. It may seem that a difficulty has overtaken us and that nothing is ever going to be right again. But that is utterly untrue. Everything will change and everything will be good again. There is absolutely no chance that things will remain the same.

So the wisdom is to accept reality and celebrate the fact that we are still breathing, still standing and will make it to the other side. If we are not still standing we need to get back up and give it another try.  There will come a time for the final curtain. It would be a shame when that happens to have missed the chance to have a great time because we were busy worrying, whining and wallowing in misery. We can leave something positive with every arrival, every encounter and every departure. Or we can spread sadness, gloom and doom. One is as easy to do as the other. I opt for the positive. Life Is Good. Life Is Short. I will say it again.  "Everything is a celebration. You just have to decide whether you are going to the party or not."

Possibilities and Action

Path to Mountain Cabin ~ Photo by Steve Magin

We wake up every day to a fresh start with new opportunities. There is always the possibility of growth, development and change. This is the miraculous truth of life. The weight of the burden we carry can be put aside if we really want to do so. We are never really stuck in the rut that we might have imagined. Yesterday’s wounds, troubles and frustrations have faded into the mist of history. The mistakes that we have made do not have a life sentence attached to them. They haunt us only if we continue to repeat them. All that must happen to improve the outcome is simple, thoughtful performance.

There is no limit to the number of possibilities that are before us. We are limited only by our perception of our abilities. Nothing can stand in our way unless we bow to its inevitability. Difficulty does not spell doom. It merely means that we have to expend different energy, be more creative and be persistent. We can choose to celebrate this truth.

We have great cause to celebrate life in the fullness of time today. What kind of difference can we make with an attitude of celebration? We can fulfill our own dreams, create our own reality and inspire others with a sense of optimism. Nothing is as infectious as someone who is overflowing with passion and ignited with purpose. Life itself is the definitive adventure. We can engage it completely with positive action.

Easter Sunday

Our Monarch After First Flight ~ Photo by Steve Magin

There is something new that is happening! There is a light that has broken through the darkness. The new dawn and new day of Easter bring good news. It has been affirmed that our troubles, worries and fears have been overcome with love. Loneliness and sadness are banished. There is something more than death. Life has been revitalized. We can no longer doubt the truth of our identities. Each of us is the beloved child of God.

We walked through gardens yesterday in Memphis that celebrate spring with a display of more than 20,000 tulips. The soil, mild winters and hot summers of the south do not allow the bulbs to live from year to year. People have gone to great lengths and made tremendous sacrifice to dig and plant these brilliant bulbs that are perennial in the north. They are just going to rot and die. Why would they bother when there are so many other blooming plants that are native to the area? They do it to provide beauty and happiness in greater measure than it could have been experienced otherwise. Their visitors, most of whom are complete strangers to them, will find the brilliant greeting of glorious flowers in a land that does not support them. What a gift!

Why would God go to all of the trouble to give us Easter in an empty tomb? Perhaps it is because we are regarded that deeply. Perhaps it was to demonstrate that there is nothing more important than our relationship with Him. It is even more. It is an eternal love letter for one and for all that has been signed, sealed and delivered. What a gift! What an amazing day!