Good Friday

The name Good Friday always confused me as a child. The word “good” is attributed to this day in the Christian calendar to connote the paradox and wonder of the day. The prelude is a dinner celebration that ends with the lesson that leads the followers to become humble servants. Jesus of Nazareth tells his friends "If I, your lord and teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet." The stage is set for grueling hours of loneliness, abandonment by friends and family, incredible pain and suffering at the hands of others and finally death. This downward spiraling grief then, miraculously leads to new life and fulfillment. That which was bad becomes good. That which is filled with regret and bewilderment with no chance for redemption is transformed from darkness to light.

This story should ring so true for recovering people. The metaphors that point to "pairs of opposites" in our own lives are unmistakable. Our celebration somehow ended up in all of the loneliness, and torture that anyone can imagine. We actually died a kind of death to ourselves and to those who loved us. Then, by some unseen hand, we are lifted from our tombs and raised to a new life. Recovery is a miracle. Today is a perfect opportunity for reflection and re-dedication. Our lives have been restored.

How can we become the humble servants who bring light and comfort to those who still suffer? This, after all, is the meaning and pupose of life.

Servant Leadership ~ The Path To Freedom

The idea of a humble servant who provides inspiration and leadership is paradoxical and difficult to fully comprehend. Not to be confused with the public servant or civil servant who lends magnanimous support to an organization, the true servant is regarded as one who performs domestic chores. The servant is retained for substandard wages to perform tasks that the employer would rather not perform. The position is regarded as a lowly one and the servant is someone who does not have the skills to do more lofty things in life. How could a servant be a leader? How could a servant provide insight or encouragement? Can a servant be taken seriously?

It is important to understand that the concept and fad of corporate servant leadership in which the “priority needs of others are being served” is a way to improve the bottom line. It is not the spiritual challenge that is implied in true servant leadership at all. The servant leader is one who is compassionate and who embraces suffering, who loves without conditions, who shares power freely and recognizes, claims and proliferates our unique and individual identity as the beloved children of God. They seek forgiveness, healing and liberation for themselves and for others so that we may all grow into God’s vision for the world. They create loving communities and institutions where peace and social justice are paramount. They nurture and embolden others. They follow the path of the one who washed the feet of the disciples. They serve without expectation of compensation.

Wouldn’t it be transforming if we could begin to practice these principles in all of our affairs? Such change would create a world in which we would no longer strike preemptively at supposed enemies. We would become empathetic, practice diplomacy and treat each other with dignity. We would listen attentively. We would share our resources. We would finally be at peace. Starting today…let’s love our neighbors as ourselves. It is the path to real freedom.

Waging Peace

Our national and international attention has been on war for the past four years. It has been said that everyone desires peace. I am not sure that the evidence would support such a claim. The war that we wage in Iraq has resulted in so many negative outcomes. We have given up freedoms in hope of greater security. This hope has evaporated as The Patriot Act has stripped us of civil liberties and violent attacks and threats have increased around the world. We have believed that our show of force in Iraq would stabilize the Middle East. Instead, we have enraged the Islamic world and created instability throughout the region. We were told that we would liberate the powerless. Rather, our show of force and violence has only unmasked US as the powerful against the powerless. We were told that a limited amount of national treasury would be used to overthrow our “enemy”. The monetary price tag has almost reached a trillion dollars. The price tag in human life is staggering. More than 600,000 civilians have been killed. As many as 200 Iraqis die every day. More than 3,000 American soldiers have given their lives. The number of our wounded men and women is far more than the official 24,000 reported to us. There are no numbers to estimate the number of wounded Iraqis. It is time to abandon the violence. We do not have the right to continue. We do not have the right to kill. Easter is approaching. It is time to listen to the words of the one who said "How blessed are the peacemakers". We are called to bring harmony and reconciliation between those who are estranged. We must seek to create understanding and produce loving relationships where there was hatred.

It is time to wage peace.

Scattered Thinking

“There is so much to do and so little time.” Words like these could be the mantra of current times. We take ourselves and our work so seriously that entire days are consumed by urgent tasks. When we finally come to a halt in the evening our minds often remain with a job on which we are working. Our passionate and excessive work ethic is dangerous. It seems financially necessary to be so wrapped up in what we do. Thoughts sometimes are racing and scattered. Sleep is disturbed or difficult.

It is important to develop a habit of quieting your mind. Nothing good happens when your thoughts fly from one thing to the next. We are worried about what there is yet to do or what might have left unfinished during the day. The real cause for this is worry. St. Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippians: “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” This is good counsel. Prayer, meditation and becoming centered have the power to bring calm to our thinking and put us back on the right path. It is important to find a quiet place for quick retreat. Even the bathroom will work. But it should be known that you are not to be disturbed for twenty minutes. Start by listening to your breathing. The rhythm of the in and out begins to block out other noise inside your head. Think of the most serene and beautiful place that you have ever seen. Drift to that place and begin your prayer. Give thanks for your life, your family, friends and vocation. Ask for peace and perspective. Smile. You are safe. There is nothing to worry about. All will be well. Now you can go out and receive the ones who love you and give them the attention that they deserve. Your mind will no longer be scattered. You will be attending to what is REALLY important.

Paying Attention

I remember being a little boy and being told to “Pay Attention!”. This command was always given by a teacher, a parent, or some older person who thought that I should be listening to what they had to say. I occasionally drifted off, like most children, to someplace that was not so mundane or boring. They sometimes called it daydreaming. The truth is that kids don’t find everything that adults offer up as vitally interesting. There are more important things like a bug crawling toward Sally’s elbow, butterflies dancing in the window, fish and frogs that are waiting at the pond for me, forts in the woods, a pie cooling on Mom’s windowsill. Now those things command attention! Like most people, though, I grew up and away from the daydreams, the fantasy and the anticipation. My focus became the work at hand, problems to solve and tasks to complete. And the world slips by in the process. I don’t even see bugs very often except the kinds that I should spray. Butterflies get smashed on my windshield on the way to work. Ponds are stagnant and need to be cleaned. The woods are in my back yard yet rarely even get visited. Mom has been gone for a long time…there are no more pies on the windowsill.

It is important to take some time during this season of renewal prior to Easter. I was reminded by a patient of mine that “I’ve never seen a U-Haul behind a hearse”. There are so many interesting details buzzing around us every single minute of every single day. It does not take much discipline, but does require a desire, to take an opportunity to notice what is REALLY going on. Forget about the war, politics, the market, work, duties and responsibilities for just a while today. Walk outside and look around, take a deep breath, sit in the grass, and celebrate God’s gift that is before you. It’s free! Then take it with you and then daydream about it here and there. Someone might say “Pay Attention!”…you can respond “Oh, I Am!”.

A Lenten Thought

“Look closely when you feel the swell of joy within, or the tightness as your throat closes up in sorrow. Live in that moment.”

The busyness of life often rushes us past all of the miraculous things that are happening all around us. We rush from activity to activity, from crisis to crisis and fall, exhausted into our beds to gather enough energy to do it all again the next day. Even the vacations that we anticipate and plan can be frantic. We pack up the family and drive long distances or forge into the daunting airports to be processed for travel. We arrive at our destinations, see all of the important sights, hit the hot spots, and head back home. Lots of vacationers take their business cell phones and laptops with them wherever they go so that they are always on task, always available. Where (or when) do we draw the line, stop running so hard, and slow down to witness the real beauty of it all? Most of the religions have integral periods of retreat and renewal. They make sacred certain seasons of their calendars so that people can reflect, meditate, pray, fast and become centered. Most spiritual disciplines call for daily ritual that brings the faithful into the realm of devotion and peaceful reflection or prayer. Such is that time called Lent, which is the 40 day cycle prior to the Christian celebration of Easter. It is a sacred time of introspection and review. It is a period of sacrificing some self indulgent habit and creating or enhancing some positive contribution to the community. It is a really good time.

What indulgence or bad habit can I give up and replace with a good deed today?

Forgiveness: Freeing Oneself From Resentment

A wise man bestowed wisdom upon me back in 2000. I was wrestling with problems in my life that existed in my past but that were seriously affecting the way that I related to other people in the present. I respected him very much. My decision to ask for help, however, was postponed several times with a variety of excuses. Finally, I found myself sitting in front of his desk. I felt more like a 12 year old boy than a 49 year old man. My words spilled out for several minutes. He listened patiently. There, it was done. The barbs and foibles, miscues and mistakes, lies and disguises all summed up in a blubbering mass of emotion. His response was heartfelt and brief. He said “If you don’t forgive yourself, you have missed the whole point.” That was it. No lecture, no judgment, no pontificating over my dilemma, just those few words. I thanked him and took them back to my apartment. Nothing has really been the same ever since.

Dr. Doug Talbott’s words have guided me in my personal and professional relationships for almost seven years. They taught me to afford myself the opportunity to heal. I had to stop punishing myself for my mistakes and begin living gently and constructively in the present. I have learned that forgiveness is a key to happiness. I must offer it to everyone in order to be free from resentments. This letting go of resentment has proven to be a touchstone of life. I have learned that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change the past. All I can do is learn from it. There is no point in holding grudges, bearing resentments or harboring ill will. All of those are heavy burdens that I (and only I) choose to carry. Their weight is too much for anyone to bear. Putting them down allows me to focus on the important mission of living well today. I can do the next right thing. I am never a victim. Life is good!