We certainly don’t like to talk or even to think about betrayal. The concept is disturbing and the act seemingly unforgiveable. Playwright Steven Dietz said: “One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.” Yet, we have all been recipient of it. In fact, we have all committed at least small betrayals even to those that we love the most. How victimized we feel when betrayed. How diligently we try to hide our betrayals. There is anger and sadness on one side, shame and guilt on the other. No other action draws such deep emotions. We ask the pitiable question: “Why would they do this to me?” And there is no answer to follow. The one who betrays slinks into the night.
The greater the trust that one puts in another person, the greater the impact the betrayal has. The impact is always enormous. We feel as if we will never be able to trust anyone again. How can we ever allow ourselves to become vulnerable in the future? There comes an utter sense of helplessness. Then the pain and passive sense of loss turns active. The presence of retaliation looms heavy. This scene plays out as we mark Holy Thursday. Jesus is betrayed by a kiss from his dear friend. Confusion turns into violence as Peter draws his sword and cuts off the ear of a soldier. But Jesus’ response is stunning. He stops Peter and restores the soldier’s ear with his healing hand. His action forgives his betrayers.
If it is true that we are both betrayed and betrayer, we must search for the common humanity that exists in both. The confidences that have been compromised, the love that has been scorned and the trust that has been stolen beg for only one remedy. That single antidote for the poison of betrayal is forgiveness. Separation, isolation, resentment, woundedness, and rage can only destroy both victim and perpetrator. Neither can continue to exist with any measure of real hope without forgiveness. It may seem a bitter pill in many ways, but forgiveness is the vital medicine for healing betrayal.
I will begin to forgive those who have betrayed me and pray for forgiveness from those who I have betrayed.
