Inner Peace

Our struggles, successes, failures and daily doings keep us occupied and often distracted from the real purpose of our being. We all seek an inner peace which will give us solace, rest and serenity. We long for the ramblings and ragings in our heads to quiet themselves yet continue to strive forward in search of some external goal that will bring us happiness. There never seems to be enough time. And that is the illusion that drives us. There is time if we decide to make it. All we have to do is make peace within a priority.

The difficulty we find in making time to do the work necessary for inner peace is just that.  Making time.  The difficulty in making peace a priority is similiar.  We don't make time or make peace a priority because there is an inner voice hidden deep in our minds that tells us that we are somehow not worthy of the effort.  Everything else is more important.  The result is a frantic lifestyle that causes inner and outer conflict, compromised physical health, regrets and resentments.  We can always take care of our aching selves later.  Maybe on vacation or when we retire.  The truth is that we need to start right now if we are ever to find peace.

Peace Pilgrim taught that there is a criterion by which we can judge whether the thoughts that we are thinking and the things that we are doing are right for us. The criterion is: Have they brought us inner peace? If they have not, there is something wrong with them…so keep seeking! If what we do has brought us inner peace, stay with what we believe is right. This is a key to finding the answers that we seek. We can make time every morning or every night to spend in quiet contemplation of our lives. We can choose to simplify. We can choose to love. We can choose peace within and peace with others.

Slow Down

The busyness of life often rushes us past all of the miraculous things that are happening all aroun us.  We rush from activity to activity, from crisis to crisis and fall, exhausted into our beds to gather enough energy to do it all again the next day. We are so consumed with the goings-on around us that slowing down and looking inward requires a determined act of will. Like the constant thirst of a desert traveler, greed consumes us, stealing our attention away from the graces of life. When we continually want more, we find ourselves noticing what is missing rather than savoring the deep enjoyment of contentment. Contentment, unlike greed, helps us live fully. We become aware by seeing, tasting, hearing, smelling, feeling the God-given gifts that are right in front of us. When greed severs us from contentment, our soul withers from a lack of grateful awareness.

How can we accomplish this? The first discipline is to live attentively. The Buddhists call this mindfulness. All it means is to be aware of life. Hear the silence of the snow. Feel the cracks in the earth. Look into one another’s eyes. Pay attention to every single moment and that moment alone. Feel it. We will take it into our bones and let it transform us.  The second discipline is to learn to let go. We can begin to simplify life. Simplify possessions, thoughts, desires, and our expectations. When we can let go, our arms are open and ready to receive all the good things God longs to give us.

Epiphany

Today is the celebration of Epiphany.  It is a time of wonder in which a new birth of the world envisioned by the Magi, named Caspar, Melchior, and Balthasar was manifested in their visit to Bethlehem.  They found the baby Jesus with his parents.  It is the end of the Christmas season.  The Roman Catholic Church blesses homes and churches by marking the initials of the Magi over their doors using the first letters of each of the Magi’s names, CMB.  These initials also connote the Latin phrase Christus mansionem benedicat, which means "may Christ bless the house".  The celebrations around the world are rich in tradition and vary from country to country.  Christmas decorations come down in most places and Three Kings Cake is eaten.  People dress as the wise men, there are parades and wonderful feasts.  The common thread among them is the realization that something wonderful has happened and is happening as forseen in a mutual vision by three people at the same time in different parts of the world more than two millennia ago.  They all had an epiphany.

There was a gathering of individuals at a meeting in our treatment center the other night.  The topic of the session was “a moment of clarity”.  Everyone in attendance had suffered serious, life threatening, addictions.  Their lives had been deteriorating for years and nothing seemed to stop the downward spiral that was taking them from their families, friends and everything that was important to them.  Then something incredible happened to each and every one in the group.  Everything changed.  There was one incredible moment of clarity that pointed them in a differenet direction.  Treatment options were explored and the journey of recovery began.  Nothing else would have changed the progression of the disease.  There was a sudden spiritual awakening that re-made their worlds.  They had an epiphany.

These magnificent sudden realizations allow us to find the missing piece of life’s puzzle.  We are given the opportunity to step back and somehow see the big picture.  Everything becomes clear.  Quantum leaps in science, literature, technology and religion have been made because of such moments.  We shout “I have found it!” and move on to use the epiphany as a point of reference for the rest of our lives.  We all have little epiphanies throughout our lives.  Some of us have earth shattering ones.  It is no matter whether they are big or small.  They have the power to transform us.  All we must do is be open to the moment and to be patient with the process.  God speaks to us when we are quiet.  Listen.

New Year Reconciliation

Rembrandt's Prodigal Son

Many of us have a tradition of making resolutions for the New Year.  We give some thought to how we would like to improve ourselves and create a better coming year.  This is certainly one of the best customs that we follow.  It is true that many of the promises fade into oblivion prior to the Spring Thaw but some of them do not.  We really do put an effort into changing.  What a wonderful transformation might occur if one of those resolutions was to begin engaging in the process of reconciliation with those people that we have wronged or who have harmed us.  The weight of resentment would be lifted from our shoulders.  Our world would be made over with the clouds of bitterness dispelled.

Reconciliation is very different from forgiveness.  Forgiveness means letting go of the offenses that have caused us pain and suffering.  It means releasing thoughts of revenge and retribution.  We do not need an apology from the person who has harmed us.  Forgiveness is first and foremost for the forgiver.  The other person may never know what you have done.  Your heart is unburdened by the past that is unchangeable.

Reconciliation is a commitment to the future. This process, unlike forgiveness, cannot happen unilaterally.  It means actually returning to some degree of friendliness between parties.  A mutual trust has to be reestablished. The first step to reconciliation requires that we accept our own part in the wrongdoing.  We cannot be reconciled if we hold ourselves completely innocent.  We have to establish that each person is responsible for their own actions and that all of us have a right to our feelings and perceptions.  We must commit to ethical standards that enable us to trust that we won’t be hurt in the future.

Genuine reconciliation cannot solely be based on a desire for harmony. It requires a mutual commitment. There are four ethical principles which are indispensable foundations for meaningful reconciliation.

1.  First do no harm

2.  Everyone deserves respect

3.  We have a responsibility to put ourselves in the shoes of the other person

4.  We are always responsible for our own actions

Forgiveness alone isn’t enough to make reconciliation possible. It’s only possible when both parties in the dispute have the willingness, maturity, integrity, and honesty that are essential to the process. Forgiveness is never impossible even in cases where there is no chance for reconciliation. May this new year be one in which we all attempt to engage in amends making, forgiveness and reconciliation.

The Christmas Boxes

I really love Christmas. There is nothing else in the calendar that makes me so happy. My head and heart are full of stories that are rich with traditions, family and friends. It is difficult to imagine that there is anyone who has been blessed any more than I. There has always been abundant love easily accessed for me. Despite my failings and shortcomings most of the people in my life have hung in there and supported me. I am so thankful.

One of the warm Christmas memories that I have comes from 1992. I had been living in the mountains of North Carolina near Brevard for almost two years and had just moved into an A Frame home near Lake Toxaway. My good friend, Michael Sessom, had been staying with me. He was quite a spiritual teacher and guide. The move took place in November and it was obvious that the house would lend itself nicely to holiday decorations. Michael called it a Christmas House. The steep two story ceiling would accommodate a huge tree but buying one that tall would be impossible. Friends of mine from Madison County, Steve Magin and Boone and Kathy McFalls came to the rescue. They chopped down a gigantic pine and hauled it down to the house for Thanksgiving. A wood frame had to be constructed just to hold it. Hours of planning, building, pulling and yanking finally resulted in success. The living room was filled with the magnificent tree. Michael spend days putting balls and ornaments on it. He made dozens of “God Eyes” and other things to hang. It took lots and lots of lights as well. The finished Christmas tree was impressive to say the least but the few presents underneath looked a bit paltry. This led Michael to make a decision that would change the way that I would look at presents for the rest of my life.

We were admiring the tree after work at Bridgeway Treatment Center one chilly December night. Michael was disappointed in the emptiness underneath and made a terrific suggestion. “Let’s wrap up the moving boxes like Christmas presents.” He said. “You take half of the boxes and I will take the other half. Then we will write a Christmas memory and put it in the box. On Christmas Eve we can open them and share our memories.” I agreed and we went about the job for the next several days. The big, gaily wrapped boxes looked stunning around the tree. It was perfect. The Christmas Eve opening was actually moved to the day before. I was headed up to Illinois to be with my daughters. There was never a more emotional or deeply moving present exchange that I can remember. Each box contained such joy and happiness. Some of the memories had sadnesses but all of them reflected the great riches and love that we had experienced in our lives. The meaning of Christmas went far beyond the material things that year and has traveled with me ever since.

We are all loved more than we will ever know. Merry, Merry Christmas to you!

Christmas Eve

There is seldom a Christmas Eve when I don't watch the 1951 classic "A Christmas Carol" with Alistair Sim.  It has been a tradition since they started showing in on TV back in the late 50s or early 60s.  There are plenty of messages that the movie sends.  Perhaps the strongest is one of awakening and redemption.

It was a painful process that finally brought Scrooge to his Christmas epiphany. He promised that he would "honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year."  Startled shock did not do it. Reliving his past sadnesses and joys did not. Experiencing the suffering of others didn’t either. It was being faced with his own mortality and the fact that time was at hand which delivered him to an awakening.

We always think that there is plenty of time. We will give to charity when we are better off financially, spend time with the kids when we aren’t so busy, visit an old friend next week or call that special relative later. But time is at hand for us just as it was for Ebenezer Scrooge. Christmas reminds us that we have an opportunity, right now, to change the way that we operate. It is about redemption, reconciliation, forgiveness and a celebration of life. It is about new birth.

Merry Christmas to all!

A Puppy for Christmas

Bobby Jones & Santa 1957

There is nothing that can compare to the joy felt by a child when receiving a dog for Christmas. More elaborate and bigger gifts might be forgotten in a relatively short time but a puppy from Santa will always be remembered. My own experience was 53 years ago but is as vivid in my mind as if it happened last year.

It was December, 1957 and I had been campaigning for a dog since summer. The crusade was relentless. “Every boy needs a dog. “ I finally heard Mother say to my Dad. “He seems to want one so badly. I’m just sure he would take care of it.” Dad retorted that he knew better than that. “You and I are going to end up taking it out and feeding it.” "The answer is NO!" My heart sank. I knew that I would be a good master. Visions of Lassie and Jeff streamed through my brain. How tough could it be to take care of a dog? It was after Thanksgiving and the only recourse seemed to be going to Meis Brothers Department Store and asking for the intervention of Santa Claus. I would not have stooped to visiting Santa if it wasn't an emergency. Most of my friends were pretty sure that he did not exist. But it was sure worth a try. Mom made me get all dressed up and took me to the lap of my last hope. The plea of a lonely little boy seemed to be too much for my Mom. It looked like she had a tear in her eye when I completed my poignant begging. SUCCESS! It was all up to her and good ole Santa now.  Dad was no match for both of them.

The Christmas season was busy with family gatherings and school plays. No verbal mention was made again of my fondest wish. After all, I did not want to nix the deal with SC. There were longing sighs and lonely looks that should have transmitted my desperation but you never know how parents might interpret such things. Christmas Eve arrived. We always got to open one present prior to going over to my grandparents house. I was pretty sure what my gift was going to be. What a disappointment when there was no animal sized box with holes in it around the tree. I got a ping pong ball burp gun.  Geez.  How would Santa know to deliver a puppy to the home of relatives? Surely there was a mistake…some mixup with another kid down the block or something. We went to my grandparents house and there was no wriggling sack or whimpering crate. No way in the world would Santa take a dog to my Aunt Helen's home in DeLand, Illinois. That was never happening. So I began to settle into the bleak resolve that Santa did not exist and that my parents had hearts of stone.

Dinner time came and I had no appetite. My grandmother had prepared a feast for the families. Every favorite was displayed on good china. Goodies were overflowing the table. I couldn’t have cared less. My grandmother noticed and asked “What' wrong, Robby?" (She was the only one allowed to call me Robby).  I mumbled something but was interrupted by the back doorbell. It was tradition that only adults answered the door so when my grandmother told me to answer it I was dumbstruck. Dad said “You heard Noie, get the door.” I hopped up , ran to the door and opened it hard. There, standing in all of his glory, was Santa Claus himself. He asked if I was Bobby Jones. I stammered a "yes" and he went on to say that he had missed one of my presents and just made the discovery on his sleigh. He knelt down and opened his red bag. It was wiggling...and there before my very eyes was a little black puppy. I hugged Santa as hard as I could and scooped up my little pal. There he was…My pride and joy. Everything else became a blur for the next 24 hours. I named him Penny and he was by my side, in my bed and nipping at my feet at all times. There was never a better present and never again was there a doubt in my mind about the existence of Santa Claus. For the rest of my life. Really.