Servant Leadership

There is a call that must be answered. We can try to ignore it by overworking, over achievement and self indulgence but the beckoning continues. We can plead that our resources are limited but the summons persists. We can appeal that the physical or emotional barriers in our lives make it impossible but the invitation will not be dismissed. We are called to serve others. We do not have to abandon our lives and lifestyles to answer it but we must respond with direct action. Serving the needs of others connects us to our common bond. It allows us to go beyond the narrow range of daily activities to a place in which we feel fully human. We have the ability to become servant leaders.

Servant leadership is a philosophy of compassion. The phrase was derived from the work of Robert Greenleaf in 1970. Centers from The School of Servant Leadership in Washington, DC to The Greenleaf Center in Indiana and countless other schools around the country have risen to the call of the leader as a servant. It is a philosophy that, when embraced, calls the individual to community. Mercy and justice become overriding concerns. Competition yields to cooperation. Servant leaders not only nurture but embolden others. Their compassionate mission welcomes the poor and the wealthy, the prisoner and the executive, the mourner and the celebrant. They erase the distinctions that divide us and provide a vision of an interconnected human family.

Starting out on a path of servant leadership requires only that we pose the following questions to ourselves:


• How can I spend more time other people?

• How can I bring some joy into the situation that faces me?

• How can I listen with greater intensity?

• How can I share my love?

The behaviors will follow the questions. We will find that we are engaged in the most meaningful and enriching times of our lives. It takes some effort and some courage but it can be done regardless of who we are. This is the way of spiritual living. It is what every religion tells us to do. We have not yet realized what we profess to believe until we rise to follow the call.

The Value of Forgiveness

Courtney Jones with Nelle Jones Stensel

Forgiveness is a process of conversion. It does not ensure change in our enemy or the one who has harmed us in some way. People who have caused difficulty in our lives, pain, frustration and disappointment might have been expelled from our hearts. We become irritated at the thought of them and the wrongs that they have inflicted. Yet, the first thing that we are asked to do in our spiritual or religious disciplines is to pray for them. We are told to bring our enemies to the center of our hearts and become willing to make them part of our most sacred activity. It is a difficult thing to do. But it must be done in order to free ourselves from the bondage of resentment and hatred.

Nelle Jones Stensel was a deeply spiritual woman. She was the seventh of eight children born to a dynamic and active family. They were active in athletics, community projects and the Methodist church. The smallest of the group, Nelle was sometimes lost in the shuffle but always had the deep sense of being loved. Her adult life had tragedy and loss from which some people do not recover. Her oldest child had a bout with meningitis and was left with mental retardation and tendencies to angry outbursts. He was eventually institutionalized. Nellie’s second child was a beautiful girl who was filled with enthusiasm and grace. Elfrieda Stensel was murdered by her former fiancé just two days before her nineteenth birthday. The young man was sentenced to life in prison but paroled after only seven years. Nelle did not seek revenge nor did she bury resentment in her heart. She prayed for him and asked that he be forgiven. Most of the family was outraged when Nelle offered this man assistance upon his release from prison. Nelle was unaffected. Her faith told her that this was the right way to respond. Her gentleness and kindness effused bringing healing to even the deepest wound. It was from this aunt that I learned the abiding way of forgiveness. A heart can never harden when enemies are converted to brothers and sisters.

Who benefits most from forgiveness? Is it the one who has caused the problems and inflicted damage? Is it the community who bears witness to the wonder of absolution? Or, is it the one who offers the forgiveness in the first place? Perhaps everyone receives grace. The greatest gift, however, is granted to the one who forgives. It is a lifelong struggle, but the fruit of the effort is a kind of salvation. Hostility is replaced by acceptance. We find a new way of responding to our world by offering love in place of hatred. Our own hearts are freed. We begin to understand that we too are worthy of forgiveness whoever we are and whatever we might have done.

Rejection and Acceptance

Photo from Sussex Musical Production Company, UK of "Oliver"

There is a spiritual movement that takes place when feelings of rejection are transformed into a realization of acceptance. The journey from rejection to acceptance is one that begins with the deep understanding that you are loved. That may be difficult to remember when the sting of rejection is fresh. Your opinion might have been dismissed or discounted. You might not have been chosen to participate in an important activity. Pain blocks out the light of love and it seems that you are unwanted, different and all alone.

It is useful to take time for some perspective building in the face of rejection. One of the most powerful methods of seeing the bigger picture is to recall a time when we were accepted. I will never forget being a freshman in college. It was a difficult transition from high school for me. All of the friends and successes that had been built over my adolescence were far away. Nothing was working out the way that I had planned. I was a little fish in a big pond. The decision to pledge a fraternity seemed like a good one but Rush Week was disappointing. None of the organizations seemed all that thrilled to have me as a brother. Then a wonderful thing happened. I had found a friend at a frat house across the street from my dorm. He asked me to join him on the practice field for a couple of beers one night. I quickly agreed. We sat on the ground with a six pack of Budweiser, talked and told some stories. His big brother and a few other guys came out from the shadows of a building. They had some more beer and joined us. All of a sudden they stood up, surrounded me and, led by Jay’s big brother, began singing “Consider yourself a friend; Consider yourself one of the family.” They were singing to me. I was accepted. The memory of this makes a tear come to my eye even now. We have all been accepted and welcomed in our lives. Remember those times and the incidents of rejection lose their power.

Whatever has caused us to feel rejected has little or nothing to do with us. It’s almost always a reflection of what is happening with someone else. The actions of other people toward us come from their own feelings. We do not cause or control their feelings any more than they can control ours. We can free ourselves from some of our fear and confusion when we fully understand this. We have been chosen and we are loved. Nobody can take that from us. When we embrace this truth, we can see what seems to be rejection as an open door with our freedom on the other side.

Following The Questions

Monarch Butterfly Chrysalis ~ Photo by Steve Magin

Our times have been filled with economic difficulty, violence and deep concerns about security. The author and spiritual mentor, Henri Nouwen once said that “We are tempted to grasp rapid solutions instead of inquiring about the validity of the questions.” The desire to find immediate answers and to act with impunity is overwhelming. We want an end to discomfort and worry and we want it now. Rushing to the quick fix, however, rarely provides lasting healing. We discover that promises for a better tomorrow, which are to be delivered in short order, empty and disappointing. We are left with even more worry and insecurity.

The questions that we formulate and ask contain the most important clues to our solutions. How can I find economic safety for myself and my family? How can I be secure without sacrificing my freedom? How can I put an end to the violence in my life which results from anger? It is our mission to follow these questions with deliberate action. We live out the action daily, one day at a time, until someday we find ourselves living a life that is free from the problems that seem so persistent.

We should also understand that the desperate need for answers will seldom be found in our own construct. We come to a growing awareness that God is in charge of the outcomes. All we have to do is the next right thing. Solutions or closure will unfold somewhere in between “already” and “not yet”. We must be patient and have faith.

Self Sacrifice

          Beginning a cacoon ~ Photo by Steve Magin

There is a way to transcend human existence and become our true selves. Most every religion and spiritual discipline asks that we shift our self focused journey and begin to look outward. We are asked to overlook ourselves in deference to the needs of others.

This is not a message that is easy to hear and even more difficult to act upon. Self sacrifice requires a change in the way that we conduct all of our affairs. We are uncomfortable when confronted with any change but even more so when it requires self sacrifice.  The adjustment that we make leads us from a mode of accumulation to one of generosity. It is a modification that allows for miracles in everyday life and worth every bit of our transformation.

We can begin a discipline of self sacrifice simply by beginning each morning with the attitude that this day, and everything in it, is a gift. This will allow us to understand that there is much for which to be grateful and that there is much to give in return. Our focus will shift. The thoughts of what I need will turn to the needs of our fellows.  We will become enabled to relieve pain and suffering that we might otherwise dismiss.  This is the way of spiritual enlightenment and self actualization.

Fat Tuesday

Everything is a celebration. You just have to decide whether to go to the party or not!  I repeat my personal motto for today is the worldwide celebration known as Mardi Gras or Carnival.  People in New Orleans, Savannah, Rio De Janeiro, Salvidor and elsewhere are taking off the gloves and mixing it up in a terrific party with parades, floats, beads, costumes, food and drink.  Vancouver, the sight of the Winter Olymics, is having a double celebration this year.  It is a day for suspending diets, throwing off restrictions and letting go of unnecessary caution.  Please notice the word unnecessary.  We have the opportunity to live abundantly and with some increased flair.  Why not?  It is all in preparation for one of the most spiritual seasons of the year.  The contrast is stunning really.  We are getting ready to begin a path of self sacrifice in anticipation of Easter.  Our journey will be filled with a different kind of wonder as we make our way during the six weeks of Lent.

So, for today, let's do it!  Let's fill life with vitality and song.  There is no need to abuse ourselves.  We can celebrate without substances.  All we have to do is join in the fun.  Put on a mask.  Be silly.  Take a bunch of doughnuts to work.  Pick up a King Cake for dinner.  Wear beads.  Throw beads.  Just do something out of the ordinary and have a great time.  The words of Auntie Mame come back to me, "Live! Live! Live!  Life is a banquet and most of you suckers are starving to death!"  Make the decision.  Come to the party.

The Legacy of Love

It is Valentines Day 2010. My wife, Bonita, and I have plans to enjoy a brunch in Greenville, South Carolina at a favorite restaurant called High Cotton. Our celebrations are always warm and intimate. No fanfare for the most part. We live far from our relatives and children so it is usually just the two of us. We don’t require much (there is a bit of old fashioned Midwestern simplicity to us as we grow older). The love that we share is more than enough. It has been tested over the years, survived and flourished. There is rarely a day that goes by in which either of us takes it for granted. Love, in the final analysis is all that matters. It is all that endures. I have been blessed with one that will leave a legacy of forgiveness, patience, kindness and joy. My life will always resound with all that is my Bonita.

A woman wrote a historical piece which was published in a county history book about my grandfather’s sister, Miss Nelle Baum. Aunt Nelle was a person who lived much of her life in confinement with what must have been great physical suffering. An operation left her paralyzed in the prime of her life yet she radiated a quality of love and joy that lived long after her death in 1961 at age 75. She never married and left no great fortune behind. What she did was to endow her family, friends, caregivers and everyone she met with a feeling of specialness and unconditional love. She was dedicated to this from her days as a Sunday School superintendant at her Methodist Church in rural Illinois to her hospital bed in Danville. She inspired people to be gentle and compassionate. My Dad and I visited her almost every Sunday and she always acted as if we were the most important people in the world. There were always words about her faith in God. She was a deeply spiritual person. Even so, it amazed me when I re-read the article that this woman wrote about Aunt Nelle. She was not related to us at all. I never met her or heard of her. Yet, my great aunt left an indelible mark on her life. She wrote of her own difficulties and how this elderly invalid woman had given her strength and increased her devotion. This affirms my belief that true love endures and overcomes anything.

There is nothing that we carry away with us when we are done with this life. Our heartaches and troubles come to an end. Love is all that matters. With it anything is possible and everything is good. The legacy that it leaves is never-ending.