Judging Others

It is easy to find fault with people. We often quickly assess the interior makeup of others by their appearance, a snapshot of behavior or by the opinion of a friend. This determination is usually dismissive and often an attack on the character of the subject of our judgment. These surface observations are overly simplistic and rarely accurate. The problem is that the discussion of other people’s faults has become a popular spectator sport. Tearing people down is considered funny and is often supported by groups of friends. TV even builds entire sitcoms around making fun of others weaknesses.

There are consequences for rendering these kinds of verdicts. Our judgments inflict suffering that we rarely get to see. There is none-the-less something that withers and dies when we demean another, not only in them, but in ourselves. We become more arrogant and the subject of our disdain is diminished. There is little possibility that a relationship or friendship might develop. We have probably squandered that opportunity forever. How shallow we can become when we behave in this way! How one dimensional we can become when it evolves into a habit!

Begin anew today. Make a resolution to catch other people being good. Walk away from situations where ridicule is the topic of conversation. Don’t laugh at or make fun of anyone. Take some time with an individual who has been the butt of jokes. Remember what our mothers used to say? Be Nice!

Living Your Dream

Life is meaningful when we are working toward the great vision of our dreams. It becomes enriched by a higher calling that enables us to accomplish the improbable. Gail Devers once said that we should keep our dreams alive and that we must “Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” There are few obsticles that remain in our way when we summon the power of our purpose. We can tackle things that otherwise would block our most determined efforts.

The absence of a dream and lack of a vision leave life flat and empty. Every one of us has had dreams for the future. The problem is that many of us have allowed the requirements of the daily grind to dash them on the rocks. We begin to muddle through and just survive. Our problems become overwhelming and we get stuck. Life seems to pass us by.

The truth is that every problem teaches us how to resolve it when we have vision. Nothing is impossible when we are serving our dreams. Our passion becomes fulfilled when we recognize and honor the daily mission of accomplishing our routine tasks and jobs. Remember that nothing is ordinary. Then, even that which was once mundane, becomes elevated. Accept the challenge to revive the dream that has slipped away and live in dedication to its achievement.

International Day of Peace

September 21 has been celebrated as The International Day of Peace since 1981. This year, the Secretary General of The United Nations has called for disarmament and an end to the stockpiling of weapons of mass destruction. His 100 day worldwide campaign ends on Monday, September 21 with a loud and clear statement, “We must disarm! We must have peace!”

Violent conflict continues to rage throughout the world. There are wars from Afghanistan to Sri Lanka to Sudan. Our focus on the loss of soldiers and their injuries reveals only part of the tragedy. Innocent civilians, the elderly, men, women and children are the most common victims. Boys and girls continue to be recruited as child soldiers. Rape is used as a way of destroying communities. These people cry out for our protection. They have no hope for an escape from poverty and no way of improving their lives until we rise up to the challenge of peace.

This year is the seventieth anniversary of the start of World War II. We said “Never Again” in 1945. It is the ninetieth anniversary of the signing of the Treaty of Versailles after World War I. We proclaimed that it was the “war to end all wars”. Now is the time to recommit to those ideals and promises. Twenty-one white doves were released into the sky at the Kabul headquarters of the UN Assistance Mission in Afghanistan on Wednesday. The Peace Bell is ringing at the UN in New York. My hope is that these symbols of our resolution to change might send out the message that it is time to stop the violence and bloodshed. The time is now.

A Personal Philosophy

I have adopted a new personal philosophy or motto. It is not a major shift in the way that I see or approach life. It is a thought that took form in a conversation with my life-long friend yesterday. We were talking about rising from the ashes of disappointment and failings. He said that he appreciates the way that I have been able to remake or reframe my life after some rather difficult circumstances several years ago. My response was that "Everything is a celebration. You just have to decide whether to go to the party or not."

The attitude we cultivate determines how the things that are going on in our lives will affect us. We will find happiness and love if we meet our circumstances with a positive attitude, a smile on our faces and love in our hearts. That's the way that it works. We can find reasons around us to be angry, resentful, wounded and distraught. There is more than enough trouble to go around. It is also a fact that we are surrounded by incredible beauty, generosity and celebration.

There are times in which we must face the tragic. We cannot ignore crisis and poverty of spirit. I do not promote denial or putting our heads in the sand. I do endorse the proposition that practically any situation can be improved by the way we greet and handle it. We can always reach out, ask for help or lend a hand. We can always connect. There is always a way to lift our spirits and the spirits of others by offering a smile, kindness, a gentle touch and a soft ray of optimism. Resentment, anger, glum and pessimistic attitudes will only return increased negativity. They will never inspire or encourage anyone.

The question that leads us is whether we can acknowlege the negative while accentuating the good. Live life in a positive way. It can be done. It takes a conscious effort sometimes. But it can be done. We must embrace the here and now. It's time to come to the party.

The Power of Gentleness

There is an old Celtic verse that warms my spirit. It says, “The tide recedes but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand; The sun goes down, but gentle warmth still lingers on the land; The music stops, and yet it echoes on in sweet refrains... For every gentle act that passes, something beautiful remains.” The quality of gentleness is one that has been greatly admired throughout history. It emanates from strength and humility. This is most noticeable in difficult times when someone rises above the fray to extend a thoughtful gesture of kindness.

There is a story about George Washington that demonstrates the gentle man. It is said that he was fox hunting with a group of friends. His horse jumped a wall and knocked off a stone. Washington immediately stopped, got down from the horse, and replaced the stone. One of his friends said, “You are too big a man to bother with that.” He replied gently, “No, I am just the right size.” He shows us that we can be considerate, courteous and modest while still getting the job done. Washington takes the time to be deliberate and kind. His action dispels the notion that arrogance accompanies power.

Becoming a gentler person requires thoughtfulness and practice. The rewards are great. Where anger flares up, gentleness calms down. Where anger is a bursting flame gentleness is a gentle rain. Where anger asserts itself and crushes, gentleness embraces and quiets and soothes. Our presence as a gentle person improves our ability to affect change. The thoughtfulness required makes it difficult to hurt others unintentionally. We emerge as a leader with integrity. One of the basic requirements is that we slow ourselves down. Take time. There are few things in life that actually require our urgency. Considering the impact and consequences of our actions prior to performing them will improve the outcomes every time. Be gentle. You will be remembered for that.

The Memory of Terrorism

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was 15 years old when she left the comfort of home in Switzerland to find herself. It was a time when World War II was raging in Europe. Hitler's Nazis were leaving millions of people dead or dying in their wake. Cities were being destroyed, people were starving, children separated from their parents, and thousands upon thousands were being exterminated by the 'master race'. Her journey continued after the war when she visited the concentration camp at Maidanek. The walls of the waiting area just outside of the gas chambers were filled with drawings of butterflies drawn by children who were awaiting a horrible death. This is the message that they left behind. Elisabeth encountered a girl who was a Jewish survivor of the death camp and asked her how it was possible that men and women could so brutally kill such innocent children. The answer changed her life. The girl said to her "Oh my God, if I spend the rest of my life telling about all these horrible things, I would not be any better than Hitler himself. I would plant seeds of hate and negativity."

It is incomprehensible that beautiful, innocent, delightful children can be killed by monsters. It is just as incomprehensible that beautiful, innocent, delightful children can grow up to be the monsters that do such things. Dr. Kubler-Ross did not become bitter. She developed a lifelong passion to help, to heal, feed and clothe the less fortunate. Her work soothed the ravages of grief for countless people.

The memory of September 11, 2001 reminds us all that horrible things happen. The thought of it can lead us to seek revenge or it can lead us to service. It is our responsibility to make choices built on the foundations of love rather than fear. We have the obligation to help shape the lives others so that they will choose not to be terrorists but rather to be healers.

Success & Failure

The word failure can set up a simplistic way of thinking that allows for only the two possibilities of failure or success. The word failure has come to elicit a black and white scenario in which all subtlety is lost. We tend to lose our ability to see the truth when we regard ourselves, or something we have done, as a failure.

Failure has come to represent the worst possible outcome. It more often is something that did not turn out the way that we wanted. The negativity surrounding the concept of failure is not something that is lost on Michael Jordan, Walt Disney, Thomas Edison or Babe Ruth. These men were never reduced by frequent occurrences of that which we label failure. Their endeavors came up short frequently. Jordan lost 26 games by missing the game winning shot. Disney was a high school drop out who filed for bankruptcy in 1921. Edison tried to revolutionize the iron ore business. He spent a decade and several million dollars in an eterprise that would fall on it's face. His process, however, became the inspiration for Henry Ford's Model T. Babe Ruth, the king of baseball, struck out more than anyone else in his era. The world is a better place because they did not give up. They never quit trying. They never considered themselves as failures in life.

It is time that we reframe the word and the concept of failure in the context of the larger picture. It might be an idea to drop the use of the word completely. What can we learn from situations that do not work out the way that we wanted? What can we do differently when we come up short? Today I will remember that failure is not falling down, it is staying down.