Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Rejection and Acceptance


Photo from Sussex Musical Production Company, UK of "Oliver"

There is a spiritual movement that takes place when feelings of rejection are transformed into a realization of acceptance. The journey from rejection to acceptance is one that begins with the deep understanding that you are loved. That may be difficult to remember when the sting of rejection is fresh. Your opinion might have been dismissed or discounted. You might not have been chosen to participate in an important activity. Pain blocks out the light of love and it seems that you are unwanted, different and all alone.

It is useful to take time for some perspective building in the face of rejection. One of the most powerful methods of seeing the bigger picture is to recall a time when we were accepted. I will never forget being a freshman in college. It was a difficult transition from high school for me. All of the friends and successes that had been built over my adolescence were far away. Nothing was working out the way that I had planned. I was a little fish in a big pond. The decision to pledge a fraternity seemed like a good one but Rush Week was disappointing. None of the organizations seemed all that thrilled to have me as a brother. Then a wonderful thing happened. I had found a friend at a frat house across the street from my dorm. He asked me to join him on the practice field for a couple of beers one night. I quickly agreed. We sat on the ground with a six pack of Budweiser, talked and told some stories. His big brother and a few other guys came out from the shadows of a building. They had some more beer and joined us. All of a sudden they stood up, surrounded me and, led by Jay’s big brother, began singing “Consider yourself a friend; Consider yourself one of the family.” They were singing to me. I was accepted. The memory of this makes a tear come to my eye even now. We have all been accepted and welcomed in our lives. Remember those times and the incidents of rejection lose their power.

Whatever has caused us to feel rejected has little or nothing to do with us. It’s almost always a reflection of what is happening with someone else. The actions of other people toward us come from their own feelings. We do not cause or control their feelings any more than they can control ours. We can free ourselves from some of our fear and confusion when we fully understand this. We have been chosen and we are loved. Nobody can take that from us. When we embrace this truth, we can see what seems to be rejection as an open door with our freedom on the other side.